November became anniversary 7 since I discovered my husband was cheating on me.

It’s hard to believe it was so many years ago.

Sometimes it just feels like yesterday.

There were so many trickle truth discoveries along the way that it’s like the trauma started all over again along the way.

Multiple dating profiles. Multiple women. Multiple affairs.

So, where am I today?

In a marriage where I despise my asshole husband.

There is no love.

Only tolerance.

And hostility.

I cannot find a way to forgive him.

If I had the means, I would leave his cheating ass.

But I have three children – two with special needs – and that weighs heavily on my decision to stay and endure this hideous situation.

I turn 50 this month and I hate thinking about the 31 years I wasted with this man.

Sometimes I wish I could cheat as easily as he did. I would not feel an ounce of regret.

But I can’t. I don’t have it in me.

I need a mental connection. Intelligence arouses me more than anything.

Besides, men hold no interest for me.

I’m over it.