affair, counselling, couples, husband, infidelity, sex, therapy, trauma
At our third couples counselling session, our therapist asked about the current state of our sex life.
I think it’s a fucking miracle that I actually feel like having sex with my cheating husband. I didn’t think I would ever want to. Not after he had an affair.
But we do have sex. And it’s not hysterical bonding sex (Google it), it’s actual regular married sexual relations. Gasp!
So there we were discussing sex when our therapist asked: “Who initiates sex?”
My husband and I both looked at each other.
“We both do!”
The therapist looked at my husband. “YOU need to be the one initiating sex. EVERY time.”
We both just sat there looking at her, probably with confused looks on our faces.
“You need to be the one going to her. You need to be right in there. Let her know you want her, that you need her.”
Hallelujah and amen to that.
My biggest worry about my husband’s affair was that he no longer found me desirable, even though when he eventually met the whore face-to-face, he said he would only describe her as average and certainly not pretty. And even though it sounds like a line, I do actually believe him.
Anyway, if my husband did in fact no longer find me attractive or desirable, then I did not want to be with him. I want to be loved and adored and DESIRED. Maybe that’s too much to expect, but the heart wants what the heart wants.
So hearing our therapist tell him he better get his act together, I must admit I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, someone who understands and who has the power to make my husband understand!
I left our session feeling exhausted yet a little elated.