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The past month has been difficult but I have accepted my reality and am moving on.

My husband and I continue to live separately but under the same roof. He’s still downstairs and I’m still upstairs. We no longer have sex or any kind of intimacy, but we continue to discuss the children and our finances. It’s underwhelming but stable.

Work is going really well. I began my job just over six months ago and I’m having a blast. I’m loving the autonomy I have over my division, the training of my staff, and the fab people I get to work with every day.

I’ve been thinking for a while that I need some kind of mentor or life coach to kickstart me and give my life some much-needed direction. I had a life coach for a while some time back but she wasn’t great and I gave up after a couple of months.

I’ve been thinking about mentoring and who I might be able to ask for help. I work with some pretty bright people and it occurred to me it wouldn’t be a bad idea to approach one of them for mentoring.

It had to be someone I respected, someone with deep emotional intelligence and advanced business acumen. Someone I could learn from and advise me on some actual fucking direction for my life.

I picked an older man — a manager — and asked if he’d be interested in mentoring me. He sent me an email shortly after to tell me he was really touched to be asked and that he’d be thrilled to mentor me. I was ecstatic!

We had our first introductory mentoring session a couple of days later. Our 45-minute scheduled meeting ran closer to 90 minutes as we went over what I wanted to get out of mentoring, how long I envisaged the process to be, my level of emotional intelligence, how often we’d meet (fortnightly), and of course, the level of confidentiality of our discussions.

The first bomb he dropped on me was that he didn’t expect to be at our workplace long term. That sucked, but was fully understandable. Our workplace is full of multiple levels of bureaucracy unlike anywhere I’ve ever worked. It’s stifling and cumbersome.  I’m hoping, though, that our mentoring can continue, regardless of when he leaves. But in the meantime, he’s there and I need to extract as much of his wisdom as I can. I felt positive after our first meeting.

I travelled interstate for work this week to the north of Australia. Beautiful weather, an interesting event, and an absolutely gorgeous stay at a luxury boutique hotel. 

It was refreshing to be away from home, away from drama and kids, alone in my thoughts. I filled the giant bathtub with warm water and sat in it for an hour. In silence. Relaxing. Thinking. Enjoying. Contemplating my life over the past month. Thinking about the things I’d fucked up and telling myself that things happen for a reason.

I slept well that night, deep in dreams. Morning came too soon, but I was so thankful for a night of undisturbed sleep that I woke with a smile, kicked off the blankets, and headed to the shower.

It was a new day.