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This was all in my head.

Being with Lorna, I mean.

A couple of weeks ago, I lost my mobile phone.

Besides some photos I hadn’t backed up, the only other major loss for me was a bunch of text messages Lorna and I had exchanged. Dozens and dozens of them.

So I wasn’t happy at having lost that history of flirty (on my part) messages.

Then out of the blue, 13 days after my phone disappeared, I get a phone call from a guy saying he’d found it, and could he meet me in the city the following day to return it.

So I turn up and guess what? There are nice people in the world! I now have all of my photos, all of my messages (hooray!) and my faith restored in humanity.

After checking my photos were all fine, the next thing I (of course) did was go through all of the messages I sent Lorna over the course of a month. 

There were even more than I remembered.

And as I scrolled through reading them, I was saddened to realise that there was nothing even remotely flirty about her messages to me. 


Well, except for when I asked her when International Kiss a Hot Chick Day was (long story) and she replied, in caps: ‘IT’S YOUR DAY EVERY DAY, [MY NAME]!’

So what.


So here’s my conclusion: this is ALL in my head!

An imagined romance.

So I need to shut that part of my brain off.

I can’t spend any more time imagining what my olive skin would look like laying next to her alabaster skin.

I. Can. Not.

So, even though I think of her, life goes on.

Since Lorna said she wanted to step back from regular contact 8 days ago, I’ve tried to focus on myself:

  • I’ve had a haircut, and now sport a rather severe bob, which you can really only see if I have my wavy hair straightened.
  • Had a Brazilian (OUCH), because I like to feel smooth down there!
  • Considered a new job that was offered to me unexpectedly. (I turned it down.)
  • Was the MC at a conference for 250 people.
  • Bought some nice new underwear — two pairs of G-strings, or ‘thongs’ as Americans call them. (I can’t stand normal brief type underwear and only wear G’s).
  • Kicked off on Atkins again. NO CHOCOLATE, no sugar, no bread, no pasta, no rice, no potatoes, and for the first two weeks, NO FRUIT! It’s extreme, but it gets results. I’ve put on a ridiculous amount of weight since starting my job and it had to go.

Overall, I’m feeling good about myself and life in general.

It’s taken a long time to get to this point but here I am.

I feel comfortable in my skin and life is rolling along.

Who knows what tomorrow brings!