At this very moment, I am lying in a hospital bed, having had abdominal surgery late yesterday.
I am happy to be alive.
Before I went into surgery, I was given the gown, compression socks, hospital undies, and foot socks to get changed into.
As I stood in the change room, tears were streaming down my face.
My overriding thought was “what if I die?”. I know, morbid, right?
But people go into hospitals for seemingly routine procedures all the time and never leave.
Last time I was cut open in hospital, I spent the following 11 days lying in a hospital bed with a severe infection.
Me and hospitals? Not a happy combination.
So as I’m getting dressed into my hospital garb, I pick up my phone and send my husband a final pre-op message.
“Husband, I’m about to go in. I’m terrified. Please be here when I wake up.
I love you. xo”
Then I turned my phone off, and my possessions were placed in a locker.
I was placed on a trolley bed, wheeled to the operating theatre, and given an injection.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room. Half an hour later, I was wheeled to the ward.
My husband was there waiting for me.
I was overjoyed.
But then doubts crept in.
Is he here because I asked him to be? Did he feel obligated, or did he want to be here with me?
The kids are staying with their grandparents, so he was home on his own last night. I wonder what he got up to?
Were the flowers he bought me for appearances, keeping up the doting husband bit?
See, this is the true effect of an affair. Even when you are healing or feel the relationship has healed, there will ALWAYS be doubts where your cheating spouse is concerned.
Is there an ulterior motive behind every action?
Maybe. Maybe not. But now you’ve learned to question EVERYTHING.
And THAT is the legacy of an affair.