Tags
affair, cheater, cheating, couple, couples, emotional affair, fuck it all, husband, infidelity, intimacy, love, marriage, trauma, valentines's day
To my Husband on Valentine’s Day:
On this day for lovers, I feel nothing but sadness and emptiness.
I look around and I see happy people, happy couples.
I am not one of them. We are not one of them.
We were, though, do you remember? We used to be so happy. We fell in love, we had good jobs, we lived overseas, we returned to our homeland, we had children, we fell in a rut.
You changed. I changed. Our marriage changed.
But we never discussed it.
The most important thing in our life, and we let it waste away.
We were once invincible. It was once us against the rest of the crumbling world.
Then we began to crumble and we couldn’t even see it, let along acknowledge it.
Your affair sealed the deal.
Now when you say you love me, it’s like you’re slapping me across the face. I know you see me wince when you say it, because you’ve now stopped saying it altogether.
You may love me, but not enough. You wanted someone else.
Someone else to be with, to talk to, to be intimate with. That hurts so, so very much. Because that was the reason *I* was here. I was supposed to be that person.
And to make it hurt so much more, you told me lies, lots of them. About working late. About going out for lunch. About what you were doing on your phone. About who you were talking to.
The trickle truth has been excruciating. I know you haven’t told me everything.
And that’s why nothing will ever be the way it was.
The way I love you has changed.
Yes, I do still love you. But my eyes have now been opened as to how much that gives you permission to hurt me.
I see people grow old together and I thought that would one day be us.
But now I find it hard to think beyond the current week. But I’m getting better – 15 months ago, I couldn’t think beyond the current minute.
Maybe one day we’ll be able to make longer-term plans.
For now, I feel empty, wooden, dead. Even after 15 months of ‘healing’, I don’t know if this feeling ever ends. It’s like living a half-life.
Your affair affected me beyond comprehension. Nobody understands this pain unless they are standing where I am standing.
My life is so very different now. Most importantly, I no longer believe in love that lasts forever.
And I didn’t even have any say in the matter. I didn’t get to decide what our future would look like because you made the decision on your own.
I am torn between wanting to love you, and being terrified to love you.
If I love you, it means I am resigning myself to being open to any further pain you may one day inflict on me again.
I just don’t think I am stable or strong enough to take another hit.
But I’m still here. Hopeful. Scared. Still numb.
And as long as we’re both still here, there is a glimmer of hope that we may be able to survive this grenade you threw into our marriage.
Happy Fuck Valentine’s Day.
Love, Your Wife.
Nephila said:
Brilliant. You know St Valentine is credited with the miracle that his gaoler’s daughter was blind and he cured her? I like the story because I like miracles. And fixing what they broke will mean these cheaters need a miracle. Or two.
Paul was never romantic about Valentine’s day, never. But since he really made a mess on the only Valentine’s Day that fell during the affair, hes made a big effort every year since. It doesn’t really do it for me but i appreciate the effort i guess.
Humpty Dumpty said:
Hi Nephila,
My husband never really did any of that “romantic” type stuff, it wasn’t either of our styles and I didn’t care, well, until now. Now I expect him to deliver the moon and the stars. but at the same time do you feel like he’s only doing this out of the guilt and remorse you feel???
Mine says it’s because he really does want to prove to me this or that. It’s like a double edge sword….
I guess I too appreciate the effort, but i still feel torn….
Humpty Dumpty said:
he feels not you sorry…..
Sg said:
U bet on fuck Valentine’s Day. The day when my husband brought her thong home. He says he loves me and he fucked up but deep down I know it’s a lie. He wanted her. Not me. I was cheated and from someone who was to love me. U r right the only one who understanfs this feeling is only the one who stands there. Feeling it. Some days I feel I love him and some days I know that he threw “us” away. Just like that after twenty years for someone who was just a whore ! U wonder that was I married to a facade or is it that I am unrealistic. I wish he read this. This is exactly identical how I would say it. I smile every day but deep down I am screaming and I know I feel like something in me has died I miss us. But it’s gone. So fuck so called Valentine’s Day. It’s aggrevation more than anything else !
somanytears said:
I feel as though I wrote this. Valentines Day will also be my 11th anniversary. Anniversary #9 was spent having a romantic dinner with a man that had been having an 8 month affair with a 300lb skank with a colostomy bag. I didn’t know for 7 more months. He was irritated that night…a million miles away, and I didn’t know why. He called her that morning and during our dinner, while i was in the restroom, and they texted 187 that day. Last years anniversary, #10, I had been looking forward to since we married, was robbed of me because if what he did. This year is no different. I had been married to the most wonderful man, but I don’t see it that way anymore. I struggle. Sometimes, it’s as if all my good memories have been wiped out of my mind. Where did my life go? Fuck Valentines Day and fuck anniversaries.
Divorce With Me said:
Very moving… I wish you a happy Valentine’s Day at least with your kids. ❤️
breakaway2013 said:
Thank you, you said what most (all) betrayed wives are feeling this now sad day. Can’t find a hallmark card that says that. Wish this holiday no longer existed. Third year not celebrating…wishing you all the best.
shatteredwife said:
Hey Breakaway, what a fantastic business idea! Hallmark cards from betrayed wives to their asshole husbands. Love it! SWxo
pabloswife said:
❤️ I echo every single word ❤️
shatteredwife said:
How are you travelling, PW? I think of you often and send good thoughts your way. SWxo
applegirl said:
Beautiful letter. I told my husband that I want to ignore V Day, to pretend that it is just like every other day.
streetpoet12 said:
Hello,
I came across your blog a few days ago.
I hate valentines day especially this year.
My husband and I never used to celebrate it but I know he probably did with ‘her’. It’s funny how they make an effort for the OW.
It makes me sick.
My DDay was April 2014, we separated June 2014 – I asked him to move out because he continued to see the OW. I gave birth to our third child in July 2014.
We have been friendly and I have had so many thoughts that maybe we can work it out but turns out he went to see the OW 2 weeks ago. I mean if he can’t let her go after all these months what the hell am I holding onto? He doesn’t deserve me at all.
He not only killed our marriage but also something inside me.
You’ve written so eloquently
shatteredwife said:
Welcome, SP12. Holy hell, I cannot imagine what you have gone through whilst pregnant and now with a baby. I was pregnant when I first caught my husband cheating with women online, then began a full-fledged affair with a married slut when our baby was 8 weeks old. What the fuck, that is some seriously messed up shit. I guess our tales are not too dissimilar, except my husband is still here, trying to convince me he is full of remorse… SWxo
streetpoet12 said:
Bless you for replying. Last year was my year from hell. I had to have an early scan due to bleeding early in the pregnancy but my husbnd acted like he didn’t care at all. Then came the accusations of how I wasn’t ‘there for him’…. Sorry but I did the best I could with raising 2 other kids while he was always ‘working’. I discovered he had a profile on a dating website which he denies to the very day even though I saw it with my own 2 eyes! He has lied to me about who she is – the only reason I know who she really is is due to some detective work on my part. Every time he told me it was over, it never was. Till this day he continues to lie about facts, deny things and is still in contact with her. The other day I wrote him an email to let him know in detail how much pain he has caused. He apologised again but still tried to blame me somehow. That’s when I knew it was over. He still thinks I would never leave him for good (bloody arrogance) I have given him so much time to come clean and to come to his senses as he kept using the excuse of not ‘being himself’ due to stress, I don’t buy that anymore. As Maya Angelou once said ‘the first time someone shows you who they are, believe them. ‘
Bless you for this blog
shatteredwife said:
That definitely sounds like a year from hell. How could he be caught RED-FUCKING-HANDED and continue the affair?? Or deny a dating profile you saw for yourself? So, are you separated now? How are the children taking it? SWxo
streetpoet12 said:
I think he justifies staying in contact with her because they had been friends for a long time – although I never knew about her! The reason he denies everything is because he thinks I’m just guessing at facts – but I got pretty darn good at snooping because he was so good at lying! He moved out because watching him swan around the house as if nothing had happened and coming and going as he wanted really pissed me off especially when I was drowning in despair and pregnant. So he moved out to give us both time to think without being surrounded by tension which was not good for the kids. I know it just allowed him to carry on the affair but I needed space from him and for him to realise what he will be missing. I guess it didn’t work. But to be honest living here or not he was still having the affair!
Sometimes I wonder how I married such an insensitive jerk!
The kids don’t really ‘know’ what’s happening as the eldest is only 4 years old. His dad takes him to school in the mornings but he does often ask whys daddys not there at night.
shatteredwife said:
Your eldest is just 4? What an idiot your husband is. How are you coping with everything? Do you have family nearby? I don’t think I could have survived those early days without that support. SWxo
Humpty Dumpty said:
With Valentines approaching. I felt something rising in me. Oh yes….I requested he text her for me thanking her for the damage she help do. I had many reasons for this. He did it without question as he F* better. Her Reply “who is this”. 20 mins later she said I have come to terms with my past i’m glad you could too. I’m like your past your fucking 20 yrs old. Your not old enough to even use sentences like that….anyway. In alot of ways it helped. I don’t feel it made anything worse. I sort of had a i told you so feeling after. I feel like I need to write her a letter and copy it to her mother’s address so she can see the little whore she raised and maybe smack it out of her.
CrazyKat1963 said:
Very well written. Wow, does it hurt. I never cared much for Valentine’s Day. And, it was important enough for her to finagle and blackmail her way into my husband’s life on Valentine’s Day 2010, so now the day means absolutely nothing to me. ❤
Grace said:
Wow SW! Once again your post almost matches word for word the entries that I’ve put in my journal. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I can only speak for myself, but it definitely makes a difference in my world to know that I’m not alone. (Although in this, I wish I was just so that no one else had to suffer what I suffer).
Last Valentine’s Day, I had to go out of town to see my family, so he was able to spend the whole romantic weekend with the whore, buying her gifts, telling her he loves her, and making plans for the future. This year, he asked what I wanted for Valentine’s Day and I said absolutely nothing. When he asked me why, I told him that she now owns that holiday (along with others) and I want nothing to do with it. But it’s so hard seeing all of the romantic stuff all around me every day this week.
It seems that as time goes on, I’m just angrier and angrier with myself. I’m angry that I had no clue it was going on for 7 months. I’m angry that on the day I found out, I didn’t tell him to get the fuck out. I’m angry that as he continued to date her for another month, I didn’t tell him to get the fuck out. I’m angry that it’s been 10 months and I still haven’t told him to get the fuck out. I have my reasons, but are they just excuses?
He thinks we are going to work through this, and I don’t see how. I will never believe him again, I will never trust him again, and I don’t love him like I once did. So why can’t I tell him to get the fuck out?
Happy Fucking Valentine’s Day!
streetpoet12 said:
Hi Grace, I can really relate to your anger but don’t be angry at yourself because ofcourse you trusted your husband! That’s the whole point of being married. It’s not easy to throw away your marriage – which is why it hurts so much because that’s what he did. Is he remorseful? Doing whatever it takes? Is that’s what’s giving you hope? Nothing wrong with hope.
Grace said:
He says he’s sorry. I hate that word. It means nothing if you continue to do what your sorry for. He spoils me. He is super sweet to me. He acts totally devoted to me. But how can I believe that? He had me fooled for so long. And it’s not the first or only time he’s had an affair with the same whore. Hope is not in my world.
shatteredwife said:
I think that’s the hardest pill to swallow, Grace, knowing that we’ll never love our husbands the same way again. It’s depressing as hell knowing we lost something that we’ll never get back. And we didn’t even have any say in the matter. SWxo
Grace said:
Absolutely!
applegirl said:
It has been 9 months since D Day.Still, it shocked me as to the amount of pain stirred up by this holiday that never really meant that much to me. I feel numb, and irritable, and very sad. I want to say to all of the women here: I think that I understand what you are going through. Just hunker down…and soon it will be over with. Keep busy. Stay focused on your healing. It’s just one fucking Hallmark day that we really can live without. Relationships are more complex than Hallmark cards and flowers. Hang in there.
Jellybene said:
Oh I could have written this. I too have never really placed any value in V day but this year, 4.5 months after D day it really sucks. All the bloody lovey dovey stuff does my head in. I guess I’m just so bitter. Thanks for putting into words how I feel, I’ve had a cry, and now I’m ready to put the game face on again, sigh.
shatteredwife said:
It really does do your head in. All those fucking reminders about romance, good times, special occasions, lingerie, roses etc. Just makes us remember what douche bags are husband are when all we want is to be loved by them. SWxo
Tina said:
You say it exactly how I feel too. Doesn’t it completely suck when only one person in the marriage has the love and respect for their partner that we totally deserve to have too. I foolishly believed that vows meant something, they don’t. Men are all the same, they are selfish and everything is all about them.
KJ said:
I cried reading this post, but for the first time since D-Day they were not tears of sadness, they were tears of relief. Your honesty is so raw and refreshing, like a good slap across the face. I mean no disrespect to any other ‘affair blogs’, I am a BW too and I would never dismiss another woman’s choice, but your blog has kept me sane. I think a lot of BW’s are so afraid to be angry because they don’t want to scare their husbands away, I know this because I too went through that phase. But now, with a lot of help from you SW and Chump Lady ( even though she advocates leaving your cheater, she also makes so many good points about how cheating is a form of abuse) SW I can only imagine how it feels to see your pain written in words, but I cannot thank you enough for pushing through your own pain to help others. I get so disheartened by other blogs that sugar-coat the truth and pretend that everything is ok. I love your blog because you aren’t just honest with us, you’re honest with yourself too. This club we are in together is horrific, and made even more horrific with the knowledge that we were dumped into this club without even being consulted! Our thoughtless husbands paid for our lifelong memberships! No matter how much I love my husband, I am slowly beginning to see the truth. Our husbands chose to cheat. They absolutely 100% meant to do it, and yes they absolutely knew that what they were doing was wrong and would hurt you, that’s why they keep it a secret. Like the saying goes ‘people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing’. So please let me thank you again SW, I love that you don’t censor your anger, I’m so sick of being told to ‘rise above’ and ‘be the bigger person’, but fuck that! I have every right to be angry, we all do! In fact I think our husbands should be extremely grateful that none of us pulled a Lorena Bobbit! SW your blog was a life-preserver for me, and many many others too. On this horrible day of triggers and memories and pain, I say we claim it back! I am thinking thoughts of love, joy and healing to all the BW’s out there, happy Valentine’s to you all, show yourself some love today! This reminds me of a scene in Sex & The City, the four women were talking about the improbability of finding your soulmate, and Charlotte says “Maybe we could be each others soulmate’s, and then we could let men just be these great guys to have fun with”. I think that’s very fitting for us! This experience has been the depths of darkness for me, but finding this amazing online sisterhood has been one of the most profound things in my life. I would never choose to be in this club, in fact I would give everything to make this all a bad dream, but in the devastated ruins of my life I have found a glimmer of hope, and SW you have been the light that guides the way xx
shatteredwife said:
Oh my goodness, you are too kind. You’re right – none of us want to be in this fucked-up club, yet here we are. For many betrayed spouses who have chosen to keep silent about their partner’s affair, this online community is all they have. I know the blogosphere kept me sane those early dark days of November 2013. Your generous feedback makes me feel like I’m paying it forward. Thanks, KJ. SWxo
Tania said:
Thank you for expressing so eloquently how so many of us feel on this day. You are an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing. I feel better for knowing that someone knows what I’m going through.
shatteredwife said:
Thanks, Tania, I’m sorry we’re sitting here in the same boat. Sending you strength. SWxo
brokenpieces said:
When I gave my husband a card this morning he just said, I didn’t have time to get you anything. I mean work has been nuts with the weather here, but he couldn’t manage a card? Anything? This is my first valentine’s day post infidelity and pardon my french, but holy shit this day has sucked! ; ( I have had multiple panic attacks and couldn’t stop crying. I thought I was doing better, then these damn holidays hit and it’s like a backhand to the face. I feel like thus pain will never end. VALENTINES DAY SUCKS!!! Keep strong ladies…
shatteredwife said:
A week before all the big holidays and special days, I go a bit nuts. It’s like the sanity switch goes off and all the crazy comes out. Feeling your pain. SWxo
Grace said:
Me too! That whole week was an emotional roller coaster!
brokenpieces said:
Thank you for your kind words SW. It was a rough weekend, but I can feel myself coming back from it.
Deservesbetter said:
Well February 12 was 6 months for me. I no longer cry every day actually I am not even mad every day. I actually feel like I have given up. We never celebrated Valentine’s Day and sure as hell I am not about to start now! My husband says I love you everyday and I never say it back. I too wonder when he will stop. I just can’t say it, he told her he loved her. Here is what hurts the most, I think he did love her and deep down he will always love her on some level. I act ever day like things are plotting along just fine. The other day we were out for dinner and my husband made a comment about a gentlemen at a table blatantly staring at a women at another table! The woman was sitting with her husband. His comment was about how ignorant that it was. I sat silent for a few seconds because first, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and secondly, I was instantly furious. My response went like this “so that is the moral high ground your going to take”. “You sat in our home that I pay for too and disrespected me everyday, you lied to me, spoke ill of me and said things to another women no married man should”. He mumbled something to the effect of “I should just keep my mouth shut”. I was quiet for sometime. I said “I am forever going to call you out, when you let yourself off the hook for being more moral than you are”. He stated “I just don’t want this to turn into a bad day”. I clarified for him “everyday is a bad day some are just worse than others”. He truly looked shocked and hurt. And I was surprised too. I don’t walk around devastated I have a job that depends on me to be at my best everyday. I also have a child at home and family that knows nothing about this shit. But for the record I am devastated, feel like I will never heal and feel like a different person. So what I learned at that dinner is that my husband feels like things are much better and I am not sure I can pretend this is the life I want. So for now I want the renovations finished on the house, I am going to see about financials and prepare myself that I may have to tell my children and family that my marriage is over. So like so many here fuck Valentine’s Day, the person you thought you loved should never make you feel this way or make you do things you never in a life time thought you would have to do.
Deservesbetter said:
Also with all this shit, it is the person who never wanted this gets left to make the decisions, stay, seperate or end the marriage. Again fuckin cowards. So when your kids are hurt you always worry you were part of that. When in reality it is the fuckin cheaters fault! And they think all we worry about is bad days. They are so clueless. Thanks for listening.
Grace said:
We are in similar boats. If I control my moods and act ok he thinks things are better and it’s all going to work out but I just don’t see how it can. I know that our future is going to be decided by me based on a past that he created. It’s not fair.
Adrianna said:
You’re soooo whiny. If you’re not happy, leave him. God you’re pathetic.
shatteredwife said:
Sorry, Lulu, I decided to kill that thread. Trolls don’t deserve that much attention from us. SWxo
Lulu said:
You’re totally right, SW. We’ve got bigger issues to deal with. Let the ignorant remain so. At least you got to let off a little steam 😉
Lulu said:
PS. And Adrianna, I’m one of the ones who DID leave and it’s not as easy as you make it out to be. Trust me.
rippedapart said:
This post/comment should be removed. So much for a supportive environment with responses like this.
shatteredwife said:
Rippedapart, I don’t know how you can even see this comment. I deleted it within 30mins of it being posted! You’re right, the comment is not supportive and was duly removed. SWxo
Srccm said:
I am 10 months out from d-day,finding out about my husband 2nd affair that lasted 13 Years has been more than I can take, now it’s valentines day, and he had the nerve to say how much he love me, along with the fucking roses, and balloons like nothing has happen. Wish this day was never here, matter of fact all holidays, anniversary, nothing is worth celebrating. You got it right when you said fuck valentine’s day
brokenpieces said:
So true Lulu. I was one of those who said even one time was a deal breaker. Then it happened to me. It’s not always so easy to leave, especially when there are so many years involved. People like Adrianna need to troll and insult elsewhere. What Adrianna posted was pathetic and cruel!
Lulu said:
All coming from a place of absolute ignorance. I’m sure she’ll think twice before commenting next time should it ever happen to her.
Brokenpieces said:
Hopefully…
Donna said:
It does get better, easier. I’m 3 years and some change out. A friend told me I have my sparkle back. I had to learn to find it on my own. I’m still with my husband, but I don’t know that it will be forever. He has committed to change too. I’ve done a lot of work on myself, I’ve learned tons, shed an ocean of tears, and can now view things much more objectively with a lot of introspection, good friends, a trusted counselor. You sound exhausted. Be gentle and patient with yourself. I know you are sick to death of being where you are. It gets better. Hugs!
shatteredwife said:
Thank you, Donna, that is so encouraging! So happy to hear life has gotten better for you. SWxo
Broken said:
I thought I replied to your comment on the 2015 New Years post but I don’t see it. You asked me some questions. I’ve had some posts on SI that of course, and as usual went, into the mix and got buried.
Me and my twins dad (I don’t think I can ever say my fiancé or even boyfriend or spouse because he’s been terrible at all of those things – he’s a good dad though) well we met 10 years ago around valentines day. It hurts to write that because instead of feeling joy I feel sorrow and sickness and anger and hurt.
As for who he used to cheat on me with – well it sickens me to write it but he was a frequent user of craigslist and attended a swingers sex party (where he insisted nothing happened). He cheated on me with strangers and went to some disgusting sex orgie with God only knows who…
So here I am almost 3 years post dday and my twins will be 2 soon and I just feel so fucking stupid. why am I here? I’m so cynical about everything and numb and drowning in glass after glass of wine. It never gets any easier. Time heals nothing. Even with him being remorseful I have zero hope…
shatteredwife said:
Hey Broken, not sure what happened to your first comment – definitely didn’t come through at this end. Wow, twins. Young ones, too. So sorry to hear your partner was such an ass. How is he showing you remorse? SWxo
Broken said:
I’m not sure what happened either lol 🙂
Anywho – he’s been really proactive in trying to show remorse instead of saying hollow “sorry”. I also have access to his iPhone whenever I choose and all (I hope) of his email/social media passwords.
He stayed off the internet for a long time until I asked him why and he told me it was because he didn’t want the bad associations/memories etc and because it was too much of a temptation for him to slide back into what he was doing on a nearly daily basis. I’ve been told by some that he may have had a sex addiction on top of his marihuana addiction (which is in remission now that we’re trying to reconcile). There’s no porn anymore either and he’s allowed me to track his internet usage to verify. He’s the picture perfect remorseful cheater but I just can’t get past it!
It truly destroyed a part of myself that was so innocent and full of wonder about being in love and staying in love (I’m a true romantic but not anymore).
My baby girls are my only reason I’m still in this world. I’m such a cynical person now and much more depressed than I was before (been struggling with that demon all my life as I’ve had past abuse – which makes this cheating so much more painful to me because I loved him after being beaten physically and emotionally for 5 years before we met).
Feel like I’m rambling. So I’ll iust add that for now.
misty said:
I found your blog by chance but I am glad I did. Mine had an emotional affair that crushed our relationship of 8 years. I gave us a chance and we made a hell of an effort to patch up. But 7 years later, I came to the realisation that things can never return to its former state no matter the effort. There had been 2 relapses where I found google searches on our computer for the woman’s latest contact information. Why in the world does a cheating partner want the latest contact info is everyone’s guess. It hurts so much more to realise your love one is still curious about the same woman after so many years of healing. It just proves she has a place that would not be purged easily. My love is dying bit by bit, and I had a lot to begin with. I wish I can chat with you and share your pain. Shattered heart, I get it. *hugs*
shatteredwife said:
Hello Misty, I’m sorry that your relationship fell apart. Seven years is a long time to spend with a man who is pining for another woman. It really does take toll on your soul. How did he know her? Is she an ex? SWxo
misty said:
Gaming, would you believe? They have not met but rang and video chat, and she lives nearby so Ive always wonder if they had met. Its not the affair that hurts me as I give room for mistakes. Its the lies during the affair and also after it. 7 years of patching is double the effort if you get what I mean. Im so tired.
Deservesbetter said:
I hope it is ok SW that I take some of your space to share? First off I want to say thank you for writing and giving all of us a place to vent. Remember when I commented in Oct that I just felt I wasn’t getting the whole story! Well on Feb 18 I got the whole truth. I want to say thanks to Msjaded as she said trust your gut, I needed proof and I got it, I confronted him that he had slept with her and again he denied it. I told him I wasn’t saying it again and he simply said yes he slept with her 2X in March!!!! So let’s double that and add 2. I don’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth. So 6 months of doing this bullshit for what? I am not sad I am angry and beyond pissed off. He has been crying everyday, saying he wants to make it work, he loves me blah, blah, blah. I feel he just doesn’t want anyone to know. He held himself above others and thought he was a moral person. He is not!!!!!!!! He said I am not a monster I made a mistake. I say save it for your next wife, girlfriend, whore I don’t give a fuck. I want the house sold. And our finances sorted out. That is going to take about 5 months. So I will be nice and tolerate but I am done. I will let you know how it is to be leaving a marriage you never wanted to end. Again thanks for listening. P.s. It was even the fact that he fucked her it was 6 months of bold face lying. It will never stop.
shatteredwife said:
Hey Deservesbetter, I am so so sorry to hear all this. You deserve to be filthy angry. Most times it is not the act itself but the repeated lies that end up killing what we have. Please, come by any time and let us know how you’re going. SWxo
Lulu said:
I hate it when they also say that they withheld the truth to ‘protect us’. My husband initially told me his affair went on for 7 months, then two weeks later when I found more evidence, that number doubled to 14 months! In the meantime he had kept in contact with his whore (who didn’t even know I was in the picture! He told her we are separated) and fed both of us more lies.
It wasn’t until I messaged her myself with the truth (he totally shat himself then, begging me not to do it) that his web of lies completely fell apart. Boy was she pissed off to hear the truth from me! And it destroyed my trust in him for good.
You do have to trust your gut, don’t believe a single word they say. They’re not protecting us, they’re only concerned about saving themselves. And no, they didn’t make a mistake, they made a CHOICE.
SoManyTears said:
Deservesbetter, at least you know. At least you can make an educated decision. My CH has been lying about facts I can prove for 605 days. That is what will kill us. Because of his denial, I have no closure. He wants forgiveness, but if he can’t remember anything about his 15 month affair…what am I forgiving him for? He and the OW both swear there was no sex. I don’t believe that. She is the SAME woman he screwed behind his first wife’s back, 39 years ago. She lives just 3 blocks away. They never missed a single day of communication in those 15 months. He begged her for sex and suddenly stopped having sex with me (his back hurt/he was tired) She’s loved him since she was 17…she’s now 56. They texted over 200 times a day, called daily (up to 9 times) and there were 68 pics (some of his penis). They said, “I love you” to each other and he told her if I died, he’d want to be with her. The last three months of the affair, he was changing, becoming angry…not like himself at all. Her anal cancer (she has a colostomy bag because of) is 95% likely due to HPV. I now have symptoms. Soooooo…you think they had sex???? He has every reason to be truthful. If I know the truth, I’ll have something to work with (or not). He won’t budge. I think divorce is the only relief. So sad. He was the perfect husband for 9 years. Never a problem. That’s why it’s hard not to wait for the truth. I don’t think I’ll ever get it. Oh, and they think they really weren’t doing anything wrong because they’ve been friends so long and know each other better than anyone. Great.
Deservesbetter said:
Somanytears my lying bastard also stopped having sex with me because of his ED. How convenient he didn’t have ED in March. He also became sullen, moody and challenging, I thought it was due to work, stress etc etc etc. How stupid of me it was because it must be exhausting constantly lying and being an asshole cheat. I told him I am going to the doctors to get checked for any and all diseases. He looked mortified. He really didn’t think that was necessary. I think it was on the tip of his tongue to say not her, she is so clean! I can’t even stand to look at him. Now all I can think about is I better not have any diseases. I swear that will put me over the edge. We have not told our family. If I have anything from those two fucking I am going to sing like a canary. I will go to his work and post signs on his car for all his co workers to see. I will stand on her street with a sign saying she fucked my husband. I will seek revenge like no other. I hope you find your answer from him for yourself. Good luck.
shatteredwife said:
I like your form of revenge! But please, just don’t do anything really stupid, like vandalise their possessions. One of the OW here is going to jail at the end of April after vandalising her cheating husband’s car. Take care. And let us know the results. SWxo
Sotired said:
Wow. I’m so sad so many women have the same stories yet it makes me feel less alone to read them. We’re 5 months from dday. Seemingly Perfect marriage seemingly perfect husband etc. together 16 years married 13. I trusted him fully completely. One teen and one toddler. We had just bought our family “dream” home. He was acting weird. I made excuses. Blamed stress money. Checked phone records on a hunch and discovered months of texts and calls. He lied from
The minute I found out. It just started. It started a “bit” ago. He did admit to sex but was never able to clarify when how many times when
It started just that “it hadn’t been
Long”. Well that’s lies to me. Truth is easy to tell and pinpoint. A few months ago was what he stuck to for the first 2 months then finally says ok we started talking 10 months ago!!! But it was just friends. Yeah. Cause you would hide a friend from ur wife the whole time huh. This is a whore from
Work who (this is the best part) 2 years ago he talked shit on and said she’s a whore who fucks all the married idiots at work!!! And he laughed about her and these dumb guys he called them. Suddenly when it was him it was she’s not like that! She’s a good person! Yeah right pal! He actually left for her but she dumped him. I tried for so long to talk get honesty he refused. Also refused everything I needed to even consider the marriage-therapy everything. My kids are devasted. I’m devastated. I feel like my “normal” is gone forever. Now he’s saying again he wants to make it work but no actions. No responsibility. None of it makes sense to me. I don’t know him. Most days I hate him. We’ve been seperated since he “chose” her. Which he now says was because he could t face what he did at home. Right. I’ll never know the truth. And this bitch is a good DECADE older then me!!! Said he liked how she held him to no standards or responsibility! Well hello honey we are in fact GROWN UPS! You have responsibilities. Deal with it. Man child! This really bugs me and I need to know if anyone else ever experienced this. He called her MY pet name of 16 years! Anyone else’s husband do that? He acts like it’s not a big deal but it eats away at me. Who does that!! Like he was gonna make her the “new” me??? It’s so creepy! I know it doesn’t matter because we’re done. He’s not changed or tried to change at all. He just wants to rug sweep and I can’t live with a liar. And prior he was a really good dad but he’s dropped our kids completely. Doesn’t even see them but maybe one hour every 3 weeks. And we live 10 min apart. I never saw any of this coming and I feel so used and foolish. In hindsight there we’re signs I missed. And I was the one trying to make our marriage better get out of our funk etc. he was blowing me off even before her! I waited for truth too thinking surely the good man I married is in there somewhere? I don’t think
So. I think that man died a long time ago.
shatteredwife said:
Exactly, you don’t hide female “friends” from your wife. And yes, she is a definitely a whore, fucking her way through all the married men, leaving a trail of destruction behind. How funny that she dumped him – priceless. Now he has nobody, hope it was worth it. I’m actually saddened by the fact that this affected his fathering ability. How have you explained this to your teen (and toddler)? The pet name thing is creepy but I bet he did it so he didn’t slip up and call one of you the wrong name! We all feel used and foolish. We didn’t see any of it coming because we lived our husbands and it never crossed our minds they would ever do this. Did to ever get the chance to confront HER? Sending you love. SWxo
ross said:
Hi All
I have only just found this blog by accident , and it was Valentine’s day that brought it all back , I seem to be the only man who has suffered the same fate as all the women here . My situation occurred quite some time ago but the shock waves still ripple through my life . For the first time in a long time I thought about my ex wife and how his bitch not only destroyed our marriage but she destroyed my trust in people in general
Sadly the only good thing she did for me was when she drank herself to death because she could not stop loving him after he ditched her and went back to his wife , since then I have been involved in 2 relationships and ended both out of respect for the women involved because I could not trust them . It was not that they ever did anything to me to doubt their honesty I just found that I could not respond to them with the honesty and openness that they deserved . I wonder if anyone here is having the same problem in trusting / believing others , in my case I trusted her with my life for 18 years and then shared a house with her for the next 6 while I looked after our 5 children and every time I looked at her the disgust I felt for her palpable and now we all walk around and see so many happy couples
rippedapart said:
Finally getting up the courage to type this out. Shattered, as many people have said, you so eloquently verbalize what I am feeling. Thank you for that. My story sounds like a sick and twisted Jerry Springer episode. Discovered 1 month ago that my husband of 26 years was having an affair with my good friend that I chatted with all day, every day. In reality she was using me to know where I was so she could screw my husband. He would tell me he was going to various places, friends houses, etc… but he was really parking in her garage and fucking her. All while she is PREGNANT with her boyfriends baby. Talk about sick and twisted and perverse and gross. All 4 of our adult children know and are disgusted beyond belief with him. I am seeing a therapist weekly, he has ended the affair and is seeing a therapist twice a week. We have talked about attempting reconciliation. Sometimes I think it could work and sometimes I know it won’t. I asked him to leave the house immediately, which he did. The current goal is a 3 month separation, marriage therapy and reconciliation. He had deleted all of his text messages but one of my tech savvy sons was able to use a program that recovers deleted texts. I could vomit thinking about reading them. Why is it he can talk romantically with her but is incapable of it with me? I feel like I am losing my mind, flitting in and out of sanity. Unstable, fragile, raw, wounded, hurt, doubly betrayed. WTF?
No One should ever be forced to be a member of this “club”.
shatteredwife said:
Hello rippedapart, thank you for building up the courage to write! Wow, your husband did a real job on you, as did your “friend”. How twisted – using you to find out where you’re going to be so she can fuck your husband – what a slut. I love how he tried to delete everything that you were able to later recover. Awesome. Can you tell us what program your son used – I’m sure some betrayed wives here would be interested. It’s hard to bounce back from being betrayed by two people you thought you could trust most in the world. Feeling like you’re losing your mind is very normal. I thought I was going to have to commit myself to a loony bin. I often still do. But I have three little children, and they need their mum, so I just have to get on with it. I wish you love and strength – you’re going to need every ounce. PS How old is your “friend” and how long had the affair been going on when you discovered it? How did you discover the sordid truth? SWxo
rippedapart said:
I’m glad you think feeling like I’m losing my mind is normal. I am an emotional wreck, alternating between crying and hating him (and her) and wanting to be with him. The pain is unbearable.
My “friend” would often ask what we were doing on the upcoming weekend and being the nice person that I am (was) I would always ask her if she would like to come along. I would ask her if she wanted to bring her boyfriend but apparently she only wanted to be with “us”. Our 26th wedding anniversary was Jan 29 and on Jan 30 we were getting ready to go out. My husband says “I can’t find my money clip”. I think nothing of it. We pick said “friend” up and go out for the evening. We go to drop her off at home, she walks toward the door, bends down to pick something up, walks to the car and says to my husband “here’s your money clip”. That opened the floodgates and of course he lied a million times (I only kissed her on the cheek, we only met for lunch). He got out of the car and fortunately for me, he left his phone on the seat. I was able to see one text message he had sent to her during the evening. My son ran an app or program and recovered several days worth of deleted text messages ( I will get back to you with the name of it), turns out the whole time we were out together they were texting each other back and fourth. What a fool I am. There were several messages regarding him coming to her house “if you make room for me in the garage I will come over”, “on my way” “I want to ravage your body” “you are beautiful” ” I can’t wait to wrap my arms around you, blah blah blah” I could vomit. And her to him “you better love my ass and beg for it” ” come over now” “don’t make me wait” ad nauseum ………….
Skank “friend is 45, pregnant with boyfriends baby (she doesn’t like boyfriend) has 3 young children and her first husband killed himself and left no note. She probably fucked somebody while pregnant with his baby too.
I wouldn’t wish this pain on anybody. Who has sex with a pregnant woman i that is not their wife or SO? who does that?
shatteredwife said:
Holy fuck, skank is the word! Pregnant and fucking a married man, yuk, that is just GROSS. And the man who fucks her is equally as disgusting. I’m so, so sorry this shit has been dumped on you. When did you confront him? In the car? And what did the whore have to say for herself. I feel such anger. What a horrible thing to go through. SWxo
rippedapart said:
Confronted in the car on the way home from dropping skank off. Truthfully, he was a little drunk so I felt it was best to wait until the next morning at which point he continued the lies. I told him he needed to be out of the house by 4pm that day and he needed to tell our adult children (who all happen to be living with us at the moment, it’s the boomerang thing) exactly why he was leaving. He told them he had an “inappropriate friendship” with skank (who happened to also be a family friend, had been here for dinner with boyfriend and kids, my daughter babysat for her kids, etc…) They were all devastated and they all gave him a piece of their mind (I was so proud).
Skank refused to answer my calls, blocked my number, blocked me from her facebook and so on. No satisfaction there. I did tell her boyfriend and a few other choice people and I did email her a letter. No response of course. Self serving, manipulative, cunning, conniving piece of shit skank, gives new meaning to the term “friend”.
shatteredwife said:
Typical skank behaviour. How did the boyfriend respond when you told him, did he even care? Did your husband end up leaving by 4pm and do you know where he went? I’m so glad your adult children had the opportunity to give him a piece of their mind. Is your husband now back? Has he admitted anything? Is he at all sorry? These cheaters really put us through the wringers, don’t they?
And as for being 45 and pregnant, skank is about to enter her own little hell. Good luck with THAT! (And I say that as someone who gave birth at 42…) SWxo
rippedapart said:
Boyfriend said he was “devastated” then proceeded to tell me “thank you, that gives me a few more questions to ask her. Don’t contact me again”
Husband left at 4. We are in the unfortunate situation of just recently purchasing a house without having sold our first house. So he went to the old house (bare minimum furniture, no refrig, no wifi), called me 2 days later and said he was miserable, could he come home. I said no. He has admitted it, has said he is sorry but still refuses to answer my questions. He is not back in the house yet. Too raw and painful. Would not be a good situation. Cheaters putting us through the wringer is an understatement. I know you understand. Skank plays on everybody’s sympathy, poor widow, 3 young kids. She certainly played on my sympathy, played me like a fool. She is a Predator. My spouse takes 100% responsibility for his behavior and his behavior is inexcusable. I do believe she baited him. Yes, the joke is on her, 45 and a new baby, with 3 other young ones. It would have been even funnier if spouse wanted to stay with her and raise her kids for another 18 years, now that ours are essentially grown. That would be the ideal punishment. How long do you think that would have lasted?
shatteredwife said:
The boyfriend sounds like he knew something was going on. You may have already wondered this yourself but is there a chance skank’s baby is your husband’s? SWxo
rippedapart said:
You’re right. I forgot that the Skank told the boyfriend as a Pre-emptive, damage control effort. I filled in the details with the text messages. Skank had only told him that they had only met/messed around in the car. Not at Skank’s house. These people DISGUST me. Husband got snipped after 4th child, so unless it reversed on its own, he can’t be the baby daddy. I still fully expect paternity testing. Vomit.
Do any couples actually survive and thrive after infidelity? Is it even possible?
shatteredwife said:
Couples “survive” affairs all the time. But I doubt they ever thrive again, not like before. SWxo
shatteredwife said:
PS What about STD testing. Hope he didn’t catch (and pass on) any diseases to you. A few of of the betrayed spouses here have caught all manner of sexually transmitted diseases. Do you feel comfortable asking your doctor about STD tests? Put your own mind at ease. How much do you believe “we didn’t have sex” or “we always used condoms” excuses… Sending you strength to get through this shitty time in your life. SWxo
rippedapart said:
I had all of the STD (Skank transmitted diseases) testing done. Received results all clear for the basics. Waiting for results for the big ones, then retest in 6 months. Have asked him to get tested. He keeps delaying because he is too embarrassed, yeah right. I know they had sex in many different ways, without protection. Amazingly, because he couldn’t get it up with me. He has had Herpes since before we met. I dropped that bomb on skank, did he tell you he has herpes, the gift that keeps on giving? and her BF. Are you resting/recovering in the hospital or at home?
shatteredwife said:
So glad you tested negative, what a relief! Yeah, he really should get tested, fuck the embarrassment. What a chicken shit! I left the hospital just after midday, now resting at home. SWxo
Perplexed said:
I came across your blog while doing research. I am so perplexed by all of the things I’m reading.
1) WHY do you stay? It sounds like you often can’t stand him. Yes, you can love someone and not like them. Know you and your kids and he can be happy, probably much happier, if you split!
2) Why are men always vilified for affairs? Not being a jerk but wives can be so incredibly shitty to their husbands and then wonder why he felt drawn to someone who at least liked him or found him interesting. All I’m saying is there are TWO people in a marriage and MANY ways that women and men break marriage vows before someone turns to another person outside their marriage. ie Honor and Respect each other…Be there thru sickness and health. Being there doesn’t just mean physical presence, people. Adultery (forsaking all others) seems to be one of the last vows broken after the marriage has crumbled from resentment, lack of respect/appreciation, etc
Finally, I find it very convenient that therapists tell the straying spouse that they weren’t really in love with or never loved their AP. WHY is it called being in love or love if both people are single and labeled “an addiction” if one or both people are married?? That’s ludicrous.
So many people say they stay because of children. If you ask grown children of unhappy couples, most say they wish their parents would split. Children just want each parent to be happy, together or apart, as long as they are loving and attentive parents.
It seems affairs have nothing to do with the children and everything to do with the state of the marriage pre-affair. Sometimes, people marry people who are completely incompatible. Why stay then? So one or both spouses become a shadow of themselves, a shadow of who they really are, placing all their energy into making their kids who they think the kids should be rather than doing the work and taking the chance to be who THEY are here to be and contribute to the world?
Our society needs to stop living through our kids and start being the people we were put here to be. Our sole purpose in life is not only to raise good contributing members of society.
Drives me crazy!
People who stay together after an affair and don’t take responsibility for what led up to the affair are living in absolute FEAR or revenge. What kind of life is that and what is that contributing to our world for our kids???
Are you not leaving him because you’re afraid he might be happy without being married to you? And if so, is that love when you don’t want what’s best for your partner if it doesn’t match with what you want? I thought love was putting the other before yourself.
He might still fundamentally love you because of your history but he will never be truly happy with you. He found happiness with another.
For that, I would let him go and be happy. It means there’s someone out there with whom you’d be much happier too. Yes?
shatteredwife said:
Spoken just like a single person, clueless about everything. Of course you are perplexed by everything you are reading! It’s clear that you have never had a partner of many years cheat on you, so you have absolutely no idea what a complete mind-fuck it is. My husband and I have CHOSEN to stay together because we love each other and REFUSE to let this blip in our marriage destroy it. Sure, we have bad days, who doesn’t? You may feel you’ve left a really clever comment, but all you’d done is show your utter ignorance on all things affair related. If you ever get married and manage to stay married more than say 15 years, then please, drop by and grace us with your worldly advice. Until then, know that your ignorance of all things affair related do not do anyone a service. SW
Lulu said:
And what of the spouses who never treated their other halves like shit, actually upheld their wedding vows the entire time and yet still got betrayed? That’s what happened to me.
Perplexed, you’re making general (and quite idealistic and naive) assumptions. All marriages/relationships are different and some are much more complicated than what you believe, not simply because there’s history. Every betrayed spouse here truly believed their partner was the person with whom they’d be happiest with. Isn’t that the whole point of entering into a committed marriage in the first place?
As SW stated, try being married for an extended period of time, pour all your love, heart and soul into the relationship, start a family and deal with the daily pressures associated with THAT, and then experience being completely blind sided by an affair. See if you can simply ‘let him go’ then.
I’m not being mean, just giving you some insight into the REALITY of affairs.
streetpoet12 said:
Yes it all seems so simple from where you are standing doesn’t it! An affair??!! The wife must have been a awful wife, I mean we probably stopped having sex! We nagged! We gained weight! Yes that must be it. Someone else showed him attention, I mean what else could he do?? Er… Even if someone had the worst wife in the world, he should leave her not cheat on her. If your friend betrayed you, it’s obviously your fault! If you cheat on an exam it’s the teachers fault! If you steal at work it’s the bosses fault!
Ridiculous
Maybe life hasn’t yet shown you that things aren’t always black or white, but it will
Louise said:
Having only found out yesterday that my husband of 7 years had slept with someone else over easter weekend while I did Easter egg hunts for our children… Still extremely raw I can seem to calm the over whelming anger I feel and the feeling of looking now at my own body and self image and thinking I just wasn’t good enough! Not sexy enough or didn’t give enough attention?! I’ve come to realise that it’s like having another child? You need to constant give them attention or they just cheat and shatter any respect you had for marriage as a thing in the first place 😦
shatteredwife said:
Hi Louise, that’s awful. You’re about to go on one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride. The anger, the betrayal, the unbearable pain. I remember standing in your shoes not too long ago. How did you discover the affair, and how did he know the whore? Sending you love and strength. SWxo
kitty12.yb@gmail.com said:
Hi ladies this is my first time leaving a comment on affair problems . I too have just discovered of my husband’s affair . And I am not ok. We are seeing a marriage councilor but I am still stuck on the affair rather than proceding and making it work on our issues.
shatteredwife said:
Hi Kitty, if you have just discovered your husband’s affair, you are going to be “stuck” on the affair for a while. How long is up to you. It could be weeks, months, or years. There is no time limit on the suffering. How long was the affair and who was she? How did you discover the truth? Sending you love and strength. SWxo
Yesi said:
Wow ! its been about 8 months since i left my previous comment I just forgot about leaving a comment and just went on with my life . Thank you for replying back . The affair was for about 6 to 7 months as my husband tells me but I doubt everything now. The homewrecker happens to be my next door neighbor , in which I makes it all worse . I am 25 and my husband is 27 … SHE is 34 , and is married with 3 kids . I discovered the affair by snooping thru my husband’s phone . Since we had been having alot of arguments and trust issues and he was spending alot of time at the “gym” . I saw a text me app that looked very unfamiliar and so I reset his password using his email. I th en saw the messages of them both planning on meeting up , it broke my heart and he was calling her babe and sweety all their sweet names he should have been calling me . It shattered my world . I’m actually blessed and surprised to be standing now here with my family. I feel that my 2 daughter’s are then reason I am still alive and blessed and grateful looking forward to a better future . It’s still a struggle tho . As you can see my thoughts are all over them place . My husband and I were going to marriage counseling for about 3 months then decided to stop . It was time consuming and financially as well . We still struggle and I feel so lost at times he is trying to become a better man however I feel it’s just not enough.
shatteredwife said:
Great to hear from you, Yesi. I’m so sorry you have to live next door to that worthless shank. You are a better person than she will ever be. What a worthless piece of shit she is. Hold your head high and you’ll get through the worst of this miserable period. SWxo
Yesi said:
Hi , I’m having some trouble trying to figure out how to log in . I don’t frequent ly go on here but the first comment I left was as username kitty12.yb email , and then I came on here as Yesi .
shatteredwife said:
What do you mean by ‘log in’? Do you mean to my blog? No login required. Simply read and comment! SWxo
Sarah said:
This article is my life to a T. I am only 4months in since I found my husband out! I am the fucking stupid wife who makes the dinner feeds the kids and has sex at 3am! The pain is like a pit in my stomach- I am sure it will go away I just don’t know when but for now I need to be strong
shatteredwife said:
Hang in there. Four months in is very early days. I was still crying walking down supermarket aisles back then. Sending you love and strength. SWxo
Sarah said:
Thank you I’m trying xx
krismick said:
Sarah, I am that same stupid wife. I’m sorry.
krismick said:
I could have written this post. I am feeling exactly your words at this moment. It’s heartbreaking.
jeremyharness@gmail.com said:
This is exactly how I feel. I found out two days ago that my wife had an affair. I am willing to forgive but she hurt me more than I even thought was possible.
I hope it is ok that a man comments here. This just summed up what I have been feeling so well. I’m deep in it. It hurts. I never thought that she would be that kind of person.
I am the one who stays with the kids when she is out of town on work trips. I am the one who has become boring. I am the one that has given up everything.
I found out. She didn’t tell me. There is so, so much pain mixed with anger, numbness, despair, and love.
shatteredwife said:
Two days ago, wow… You are just beginning to feel that huge shock, the betrayal. I’m so sorry your wife has done this to you and destroyed the trust in your marriage. You old are you, and how long have you been together? How did you discover the affair, and what did she have to say for herself? I send you love and strength, the first couple of weeks are killers. You won’t know what’s real, you’ll feel like you’re going mad most of the time. Stay sane, and even though you won’t feel like eating, please drink water as often as you can. Don’t dehydrate, otherwise your body will turn against you. I’m so sorry you find yourself here. SWxo
Redwood said:
I couldn’t agree more with what you wrote. Three years in to my marriage I discovered it was a total sham. Who was this man I loved? I had literally just had our second child. And what was supposed to be one of the most beautiful times in life was one of the most devastating times. Cuts deep. Not much has changed, six years later. That whole slap in the face part you mentioned when he tells you how much he cares, I feel exactly the same way. I took it a step further today and actually did it to my self after choking down his caring and loving words of horseshit. Fuck Valentines, anniversaries, and date nights. The only vacation we go on in a year and he is staring down some young tits and ass. Hello! I had to interrupt his gaze just to get his attention back to our family. There is no respect. I don’t even exist anymore. I hate my self for staying. I have been so robbed of happiness and its my fault for sticking around. Grow old together with extra women in the marriage. Fuck that.
shatteredwife said:
Amen to that! Staring down tits and ass, hello?? WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?! Do they think we don’t notice? No respect at all. I hate that I’m still here. What the fuck for?? SWxo
Katie said:
‘Grow old together…’ Always makes me cry… I always thought this would be the case with me..
Struggling today…can’t stop the tears and anger..
Yesi said:
@shattered wife , oh ok I did not know that . Thanks for replying. Xoxo. It’s been very difficult living next Door to that whore . I don’t know honestly how I haven’t gone psycho on her . But it does affect me a whole lot. It’s very hard everyday battling thru this depression that I have. Counceling didn’t really help a whole lot. And well I’m just taking it one day at a time . Some days are better than others . I’m glad I found this site bc I really thought that no one could understand me, all of these crazy feelings sadness, emptiness. The list goes on. And well even talking to My best friend is hard because truly noone can understand unless they’ve actually been thru the situation.
shatteredwife said:
That’s definitely true – no-one can even begin to comprehend the pain that comes with learning your greatest love has betrayed you. It eats away at you until you feel like a shell. You are always welcome here to share anything you’d like. You are in a safe supportive environment. SWxi
A Covert Narcissist's Wife said:
I hate Valentine’s Day and the TV commercials for happy couples, not that my serial adulterer of a pretend husband had even acknowledged Valentine’s Day in years, nevertheless, I hate all of the reminders of what I thought I had.
Roan said:
THIS IS ME. You’ve spoken my words. You’ve told my story. I am in tears reading this. It completely sums up how I feel 10 months post finding out about my husband’s affair with a co worker. Thank you for your raw honesty. I so relate. I am Not the same woman I was before. I am forever changed.
shatteredwife said:
Thank you, Roan. Love and hugs to you. SWxo
valentine wishes said:
WOW..such a nice valentines day wishes for husband. lovely.
madtoday said:
just caught my husband in our house, he had her in our bed while me and kids went to movies
shatteredwife said:
WHAT?! That’s disgusting. Did you know her? What happened when you walked in? This is just sickening. Sending you love and hugs. SWxo
Shell said:
I am so lost. Just over one year since DD (Feb 1 2018). I read your entire blog over one night. Devoured it. Could not stop reading. It’s like you are in my mind. It’s comforting knowing I’m not alone. I feel like I’m living a lie. Yes, I’m a shell of a person. Sums it up so well. My husband’s words mean nothing. When he says that he loves me I feel nothing. When he says that he is sorry I feel so angry still. His words mean nothing. He can’t undo what he did and he can’t take back all the lies. My husband not only had an affair but he continued to see the OW after DD. It only ended as she started demanding money from him to keep quiet. My husband was one of those middle aged idiots who moves to Asia and becomes flattered by the well used script a young local girl used on him. He ate that shit up. Fucking idiot. Fucking cliched idiot. Can I write to you privately please Shattered? Thank you for this blog and for your words xx
shatteredwife said:
Of course, any time. Shatteredwife@mail.com. Hugs to you. SWxo
beautifullioness2016 said:
I so want to reach through the internet and hug you. I promise you it gets better. Believe me. Eventually the sting will go away. It feels utterly hopeless now but you are strong ❤️