Tags
affair, asshole, betrayed spouse, D-Day, emotional affair, fuck, hope, husband, infidelity, marriage, married, sex, surviving affair, tongue, trauma, wayward spouse
As much as I love Sydney, it gets insanely hectic on weekends. And because Australia is a big place, it’s easy to get away to a million and one places on the weekend. A two-hour drive north, south, or west, and you’re in a different world (head east from Sydney and you hit the coast). Not many people realise, but the land mass of Australia is pretty much the same as that of the United States. If you were to get into you car and drive for a couple of hours, where are some places you could end up?
And so yesterday marked one year since everything I knew to be real and stable crumbled under my feet, like standing on a shattered pedestal that you can feel moving beneath you as you lose your balance. I fell and I fell hard. There are moments when I think I’m having more good days than bad, and other days when I think those moments are me being completely delusional.
But yesterday, I felt good. We went out on Saturday night and had an amazing meal, followed by an equally amazing mind-blowing orgasm. My husband’s tongue knows no bounds. (Yes, I realise the irony of that statement.)
So when I woke on Sunday morning, I felt a little more “connected” to my husband.
And I felt the urge to get out of Sydney. To get amongst the trees, the fresh air, the silence.
So we piled all three little one into the car and headed off to the unknown. We spent the day being a family, talking, laughing.
I must admit, thoughts of the affair did not cross my mind very frequently at all. And when they did, I pushed them away.
That was then. This is now. I am what I think about all week.
Smile, everyone.
I know I did.
It was a good day.
Shattered By My Husband's Affair 
Just, yes. You’re doing so bloody well. Believe it or not, you really are xxx.
It’s been eleven months when my life changed. I have come back to the same place for some work , for a few days. The last time I was here thinking I am on a vacation my husband had cheated me and broken my heart. Shattered would be the right term. I am glad u have found some solace and I pray I feel that really soon. I wake every morning in tears and cry alone in the bathroom or shower. My heart just won’t heal. I can’t repeatedly stop asking myself why did this happen. Never knew one human being could hurt you so much. I don’t know how to get past this. I could be just sitting down and out of no where I imagine them making out and I can actually feel my anger and pressure raise. I feel like tears and hurt swelling up. So having a good day with a family must feel awesome. I want that too. I am glad u r moving ahead. How does your own love someone u r supposed to trust and believe in looks u in the eye and actually cheats u heartlessly. I still can not understand that after twenty long years why and how did this happen. Why did he cheat me repeatedly and mercilessly. Kept getting caught and yet did it. He now claims he loves me but deep within I know he doesn’t. But I still love and hate him. I would love a family day laughing with my kids and my husband knowing he loves me and just me. Knowing he is not holdin my hand and fantasizing about her.
So very very happy for you!!! That is the way to go. Stay connected to your husband and try to organise these family outings and dates as much as possible. That is what we are trying to do and I can tell you that you help… Like you I have days when I feel as if I am still beaten and then there are days when I feel that the past is behind us and we are building everything anew. So glad to read this post. By the way, this weekend was a good one for us as well. Love from Europe. xxxx
I am pleased for you. You deserve every bit of happiness and peace and I know your advice is sound. Thank you for your posts.
So glad for you SW. I can just picture a laughing, happy family with sunshine all around them. Baby steps on the road to recovery. The man I’m married to has been to two counseling sessions with me. The first one was within days of finding out and the second one was last friday. He didn’t want to go but came with me anyway. He said all the right things to the counselor and has been doing all the right things (checking in with me, letting me freely check his phone, no unexplained absences, etc). However deep down I wonder if his heart and mind are wandering. Does he really want to be with me? Is he staying because he’s afraid I’ll tell the whole community and his family? Why is he still here? I asked the question during counseling and he said it’s because he loves me. After the counseling as we walked toward the elevator he hugged me and said “never again. It will never happen again.” He’s been patient and kind. Half of my brain wants me to be on alert and be careful. The other half wants me to work with him and make steps forward. Have any of you had your husbands experience relapses and then you caught him again? I couldn’t handle it again.
Sexual healing? A mind blowing orgasm… I am certain you slept well that night! Congrats on a well deserved day/night… 😉
miss bee,
I think when your husband said ” never again” he meant, it at the moment. His love for you is grand and he hates that you are having to go through this, he sees your pain and his and is certain that he doesn’t want to go through it again. I believe that.
Nevertheless, I have a very difficult situation with a man who absolutely will not confess to any wrongdoing, I am on week 3 of discoit’sing he contacted escorts service 10 days apart. I confronted him Christmas night but didn’t get very far, and with the holidays upon us and the constant presence of my 3 teenagers, we haven’t had a good talk. He has it coming! I already told him from now on he’s my bitch! I’ve had time to sort things out and calm down. I’ve prayed and mediated and narrowed down to a few plans for how to make of our future together. What I want to share here is that though I’m 42 I have lived a lot of experiences that have helped me to see that this isn’t the end of the world. It feels like it!! In 3 weeks i have lost 10 lbs and countless hours of sleep, I also haven’t performed my best at my own photography business. I have now told 2 best friends who can handle anything, my sister n law and mother in law, (it was hard to pretend at Christmas and they saw right through me!) we all agreed that men will be men, and when they love you, but they are still human with male instincts and will do as many stupid things as they will good ones. it’s not healthy to hold this over their head, for their sake or ours. let’s learn how men’s brain functions with regard to sex. Those of you who have been told “it didn’t mean anything” it was just sex” listen.. as much as it hurts us, it’s the truth and that should console us, a little. It’s not the end of the world?? No one’s dying here, our kids are healthy, roof over their head, meal to eat each day. A man’s infidelity empowers us! Not to be the extreme psycho bitch that makes them want to kill us but enough that they realize, and we should too, that we are the damn Queen! We hold up the fortress, we are the mother of their children, their cook, their nurse, their housekeeper, their project helper, their arm candy, sometimes their accountant, owner of half of their assets, vacation companion, high school/college sweet heart, the one who’s been their from day one… who’ll make sure they take their meds in their old age and maybe even wipe their asses and change their adult diapers. Fuck those whores, they haven’t done shit except bounce their tits and suck their cock. think about it, we hold the key to our home, our cars, everything, including his heart. Not the whore, she can only wish! In my case, that’s what she does for a living, what’s special about paying to poke a young bitch that does it All.Day.Long. puke! I’ve made up my mind not letting it turn my life upside down, if he knows what’s good for him, he will now bow. It’s not the end of the world ladies. Just so you know five years ago I also endured a two year emotional affair he had with a formal co-worker, I was not able to get much out of him then either but I know what I know. I believe he ended it and though it took several years, I had to heal and forgive all on my own cause I LOVE him and that time I told no one! I wish I’d found this blog then, it certainly would have helped. It’s not the end of the world, I was married to my pornaddicted ex husband 12 years, I was 23 at our wedding and since he was my first, I was inexperienced in the bedroom, young naive and very “decent”. I didn’t realize he had an addiction which made lovemaking feel like rape to me, I never enjoyed sex with him, ever. while pregnant with my second child, I did uncover inappropriate websites and magazines and videos, he was masturbating anytime I wasn’t looking. I felt shattered!!! his problem spanned over the whole time we were married with promise after promise that he would stop, but he wouldn’t, he resented me and grew angry because I was emotionally and sexually unavailable. I couldn’t help feeling like I wasnt enough woman for him? He later was fired from his job for it and I started to see the writing on the wall. He was such a loser and above all, constantly abusive mentally, emotionally, spiritually, sexually. you only live once and that is not how I wanted to live, I left and it was the best decision, yet toughest time of my life, single with 3 kids. but.I. didn’t. love. him.
Fast forward to what I’m going through now. I love my man, he’s intelligent, hard working, kind and loveable and I look at what he’s done with God’s eyes. Compassionately. Like, “naughty boy you got caught, now you’re going to straighten up.” Love conquers all, forgiveness is good and it is possible. Think of your kids and your future, if you love each other and you can see yourselves growing old together, it is worth the battle, this could be a phase and though he created it, in a few years it won’t matter as much especially if your marriages only gets better. I believe that, kill them with kindness, be confident and strong, knock his socks off and make him wish he never strayed. Remember, we can only control ourselves. We came to this world alone and we leave alone, accountable only for our own lives, not anyone else’s. Sadness and pain? Of course, I’m feeling it but it’s not the end of the world 🙂
I hope each one of you finds the courage to make 2015 exactly what you want it to be, the best one yet! xXxX ooOO
Good to know that 1 year to the day of discovery you can smile and spend the day with your family. God knows it takes all your energy and hard work to get were you are. Reading this post made me smile, it has been a hard 2 weeks for me. 🙂
I’m so happy to read this. Gives me hope…I’m so happy for you 🙂
Yes, keep hopeful and positive.
Today marks one year since my husband got drunk and betrayed me in the worst way possible. My d-day is this Friday. It was a surprisingly numb day. Since this time last year, I have learned that I am strong and that I stay because I want to, not that I need to. Does that mean it no longer hurts and that I’m over it? My therapist says it should. I say she’s full of it. The triggers are still there. I can push the pain down and redirect it now at times to survive, but I feel she must’ve never suffered this type of betrayal. The sickening pain eats you to the core….and yet he’s the same man I fell in love with at age 19, but then again he’s not. I was hoping a year in the triggers would be gone, my counselor says I choose to hold onto this pain, I said no, tell me how to let it go please…still have no answers. Life is so exhausting now. Hoping to feel that true happiness again one day.
Your therapist is clearly an idiot who has never had to endure such soul destruction. Time is your only friend. When you are ready, when you have processed as much as you can, you will find your body letting go one tiny bit at a time. As for the hurt, I don’t think that ever goes away. You learn to live with it without having it cripple you. The first anniversary of D-Day is a sad one, you’ll find all sorts of shit coming to the forefront that day. Thinking of you. SWxo
Thank you, that’s exactly how I feel…xx