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affair, betrayal, betrayed spouse, husband, infidelity, liar, lying sack of shit, other woman, wayward spouse, whore
One of the best blog posts I’ve read about the pathetic Other Women (OW) – also known as ‘whores’ – was written by pabloswife on her blog ‘I Never Said I Loved Her‘. Her post ‘The Other Woman, or as I Prefer to Call Them, Whores’ was a brilliant look at all the boo-fucking-hoo stories spouted by the skanks who have affairs with married men (MM). How sad it is that they have to leave their MM so he can go back to his wife. How miserable those men must be. How it aches when the whore hears he had sex with his <gasp> WIFE.
Fuck me, bring out the violins.
A few days ago, I read an interview with one of these treacherous Other Women on the self-help blog Affair Resources and Advice, ironically written by a woman – oops, MAN – who cheated on his partner for TWO GODDAM YEARS. Anyone want to take advice from anyone with those credentials? Didn’t think so.
Anyhoo, as you can imagine, in this interview, the cheating wife and OW ‘Kaitlyn’ craps on about how she fell for a married man ‘Arthur’ and how devastated she was when his wife discovered the affair and he ditched the bitch, (aka the Other Woman), to go back to his wife.
How devastating!
In the interview, Kaitlyn drops this pearl: “To answer the question on if I’ve ever cheated before, well, no. Not really.”
I’m sorry, NOT REALLY?! What the fuck does that mean?
Well, by the time I got the end of this miserable interview, I was seething. You can read it for yourself here.
So I left the following comment: “You hope that his wife realises he is not alone to blame for the state of his marriage?! My goodness, is this how you justify the affair to yourself? Is the reason you sleep at night by telling yourself their marriage must have been complete shit? You awful, selfish whore. I hope you live the rest of your life in fear [of your husband finding out]. I feel for your husband – you’ve made a fool out of him and the truth will eventually come out, Just you wait and see.’
Despite writing up this interview and placing it on the internet for all to see, the blog owner had the temerity to say: “Judge if you must, but if you must, please do it silently.”
Fuck that, this is the GODDAM INTERNET! If I want to comment, I will. If you don’t want to publish it, then don’t. That’s your choice. But don’t tell me I can’t speak.
You’d be right if you guessed my comment didn’t go down too well with the blog’s owner.
Instead of sending my comment to spam, or – I don’t know – IGNORING me, he wrote me this lovely reply which I am pasting here for you all to see:
“I deleted your comment because apparently you have an inability to read, and you are a nasty, gutless, and rude person, hiding behind an anonymous blog and log-in. As I stated above, I asked that if you must judge, then please do silently. This woman has come out of the shadows to tell her story. Not to brag, but in the hopes that others will learn from what she did and hopefully avoid infidelity altogether. She is very remorseful. And hurting.
but people like you have to come along and throw nasty words and invectives at people like her. Why? She isn’t the one that cheated with your husband, I presume. So why would you be such a jerk?
Answer? because it’s easier than looking in the mirror. As long as you can write off a total stranger as “an awful whore”, then you don’t have to actually determine what YOUR part was in your husband’s affair. You can avoid looking in the mirror. Because frankly, one way or another, you do share blame for your husband’s infidelity:
Either you neglected him and or your marriage (or outright abused him emotionally or otherwise), or you married a person of very low character, and yes, you chose him, so you are partly to blame either way.
So before you start throwing stones, take a long look in the mirror. The fact that you would come here and act like this NOT to the woman that apparently ruined your “perfect marriage” (cough, cough, sputter), but would say things like this to a total stranger speaks volumes about you as a person. Your character. Your maturity. Your ability to deal with disappointment and hurt. And none of it is good. If this is any indication how you talk to your husband, I assure you that unless he has no other options, he will ultimately leave you. Your attitude is the opposite of understanding, compassion, maturity and forgiveness. I wish you luck. Clearly my blog is not the place for you. I suggest you avoid it. But please don’t bother commenting. Your types of comments are not wanted here. I demand civility if nothing else.
I rarely call people like you out on the carpet here. I merely just “spam” your comments. But frankly you deserve to be shown up. Your comments are completely uncivil and uncalled for.
I hope to God YOU never make a big mistake in life, because karma is a bitch when it hits you. “
Baby, don’t worry about karma getting me. Karma’s saving for her best stuff for cheating whores such as yourself and Kaitlyn.
And I have news for you, Mr High-and-Mighty, you’d be hard-pressed to find a Betrayed Spouse (BS) who doesn’t refer to the other woman (OW) as a complete whore.
Any woman (in this case, a MARRIED ONE) who KNOWINGLY engages INAPPROPRIATELY with a married man is a WHORE. Make no mistake about that.
Are you seriously having a go at me for writing my blog and commenting anonymously? I don’t see a name on your blog. Or any defining information about your friend Kaitlyn. NEWS FLASH: this is the internet and anonymity is afforded to us all. That doesn’t mean a real person doesn’t exist behind these words – they aren’t written by a robot.
I follow plenty of blogs written by betrayed spouses (BS), wayward spouses (WS), and other women (OW). I’d say 99 per cent of them are written anonymously.
The ones written by the cheating spouses usually have comments turned off. Why? Because they realise the amount of non-sympathetic, abusive emails they’d get. D’uh!
But not you, no. You CHOSE to leave comments ON, and I ask myself why.
Did you expect comments of encouragement and sympathy for Kaitlyn?
Do you feel the other woman worthy of our decency or compassion?
If so, you’re delusional.
By all means, don’t let the betrayed spouses out there tell her how it really is. Let’s leave her in her own little fantasy bubble where everyone feels sorry for her.
And if you think the other woman is suffering, how the fuck do you think the wife is coping? A thousand times worse, I can guarantee that.
The other woman has completely destroyed everything she knew about love, her sense of self, her sanity. She will spend forever asking why this happened, how it could have happened to her, how she will ever trust her husband again, and how you rebuild a marriage with a cheat.
Every marriage has its challenges, but the spouse who feels it is so unbearable they feel the need to look for sympathy and intimacy with someone else, needs to man up and say “Hey, we have a problem, what can we do?” rather than run to the first whore who will stroke their ego.
You left comments on but you don’t want anyone calling out the other woman for her thoughtless, selfish, egocentric behaviour (which of course the cheating husband is also guilty of). I’ve said it once, but it bears repeating: she KNOWINLGY engaged INAPPROPRIATELY with a married man. She fell in love with him. There was no grey area.
I don’t believe I said anything about having a “perfect marriage” in QUOTATION marks, no less. But I do know a thing or two about being the betrayed spouse. My husband cheated on me with a married woman who bitched and moaned that her own husband paid no attention to her. So what does she do? Go after someone else’s. It’s a low act.
So feel free to not have the backbone to publish my comment (gutless in itself) but please don’t think this erases the truth.
You didn’t like what I had to say, but you felt it was perfectly OK to send me a long, bitchy reply (which is why I initially thought you were female).
I didn’t quite understand the level of vitriol in your response until I noticed your name: Recovering WS. Ah, all makes sense now – you’re in the same cheating boat as skanky ‘Kaitlyn’.
Guess I hit a nerve.
And as for Kaitlyn hurting and being remorseful?
BOO.
FUCKING.
HOO.
Shattered By My Husband's Affair 
I’m guessing here that she’s never been on our side of the infidelity fence!
Makes you wonder if she’s Kaitlyn herself?
You’re speaking from bitter experience of having the pain of your husband’s infidelity landing in your life – but no obviously your lacking maturity and understanding!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF???
Wow!
I wonder when she comes down off her high horse she’ll realise how self centered and selfish she’s portrayed herself?
Ha, I did indeed whether she was Kaitlyn herself! Thank you for your support. xo
Always here for you sweetie. Xx
I’ve since been told the writer of this blog is male. With a long bitchy response like that, who would have guessed…
Really? Blimey! I’ve have laid money on it being a woman! Crickey!
I saw his comment and I wondered what you might have said to elicit such a response…. I was expecting much worse than what you did say!
Over reaction, definitely… But he’s gotta protect his blog content! Lol
Yah… RWS is a guy…
Really? I thought the response was so bitchy, it must have been a woman LOL.
I know right!
Minor adjustments made. : )
Protect his blog content?
people arent gonna wanna do interviews if he lets people attack them ?
Oh what about the post about betrayed spouses “biggest mistakes”…telling us to do quite a few things that are completely the opposite of right!
For example exposure is all that works in many, many cases. I don’t mean to save the marriage necessarily. Just to get honesty and its the right thing to do, judiciously. It’s also the only way to bring some reality to the other woman (we have only heard from her directly twice since I exposed her, it was every other week before that). Also nonsense like thinking we aren’t entitled to trash the affair partner or get an apology from them! Pure protection of his OW. In fact many many of his “mistakes” are really termed in a way that indicates he doesn’t like being held to account and he won’t stand for his OW to be seen as she really is either.
I replied to a different commenter and got a nasty message back from him! Hilariously he took the name of my blog as all he needed to know about me and clearly didn’t read it.
Actually it’s funny how many people do that. I’ve had many comments along the line feel sorry for Paul. Paul has it easy as he knows it. He’s grateful for his second chance. But of course they can see into my house and say I’m punishing him…funny really.
You go girl. We don’t need approval from a cheater, and his self serving blog is not what it pretends.
Many of these blogs written by self-serving cheaters carry advice that clearly serves the cheater more than the betrayed spouse – you are dead right about that. That “biggest mistakes” post is a heap of shit.
You’re also right about that blog being “not what it pretends”. We had a big case in Australia – there was an organisation called the Australian Vaccination Network (AVN). Their soul purpose is to DISCOURAGE mothers from immunising their children. After a long court case, the government ORDERED them to change their name, as it was deemed misleading. That’s how I feel about this bullshit Affair Resources site. Its sole purpose is to make cheaters feel better about themselves, nothing more.
Amen. Honestly I even think there’s way to much pandering on the survivinginfidelity message boards. But at least they’re sincere, I think.
I keep putting myself in their position (though I never would be). But if I’d done such great harm to someone, if bend over backwards and nothing they did would be wrong, or a mistake, or anything but their right to cope as best they can.
I call what they do “soul murder”. Can you imagine a victim of violent crime being told that how they’re coping is a “mistake”? Imagine a domestic violence victim who chooses to try to rehabilitate the relationship being told they’re too tough on the poor wifebeater? Seriously?
I try not to read whore blogs anymore. They all sound the same. They “didn’t mean to” or they “didn’t know what was happening until it was too late”. Cue the screaming goats.
As adults we are able to grasp the concept of action and consequences. We are even evolved enough to grasp the more complex idea that our actions impact others. It’s why we don’t flip our bosses off and quit, to name just one example. It’s why we work overtime instead of robbing a bank when we need money. So why do we suspend the rules of reason when it comes to relationships? I can buy the idea of gradually becoming attracted to someone. But at some point you realize you are developing feelings for someone you should not have feelings for. If you don’t walk away at that point, you are a weak-minded twit and you have made your bed. Prepare to lie in it. Most married men are in it for the ego-jacking. They want someone who will make them feel ten feet tall and ask for nothing in return. Sadly, most of the whores they seek this from, end up wanting more than that. That’s when the problems really start. Whining on about “your” married man being unwilling to leave the woman who wears his ring, carries his name, bore his children, has a history and made a life with him, is delusional behavior at it’s finest. If I choose to wear my Versace on a Color Run Marathon, I shouldn’t get pissed off if it is dirty and stained in the end. If you don’t want to be called a whore don’t act like one.
I will never, EVER take ONE OUNCE of responsibility for my husband’s affair. Again, we are adults. If you are unhappy in your marriage, SPEAK UP. If your needs aren’t being met, be the adult and make those needs KNOWN. Chances ARE, YOU aren’t meeting your spouse’s needs either, they are just a better person than you are for not pulling the proverbial pin on a grenade and throwing it into the middle of your family. Here’s a novel idea….SET A BOUNDARY. Tell your spouse how you are feeling, and what your expectations are. If s/he is unwilling to attend counseling with you, let them know what the outcome will be. Better to walk away honorably, then to slink away in the ooze and disease of infidelity. Why would you make that choice and drag your children through hell? Because you are a weak-minded twit. Cheating NEVER makes things better and most of us are smart enough to understand that. Using marital problems as an EXCUSE to cheat is pathetic. Weak. Amoral.
It is complete cake-eating to say “I accept full responsibility for cheating” and then turn around and say “but she DROVE me to it. Thank God my husband has manned up and owns what he did. Are there things in our marriage we are working to improve? Absolutely! There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. If you have been married for longer than five minutes, you have room to improve, change and grow the relationship. We have a second chance. We are both grateful for that. But it never would have happened if I had been expected to take responsibility for HIS choices and actions.
exercisegrace, you are one in a million. Whore blogs – love it! Yes, that’s exactly what they are. They’re a like a little fucking club where cheaters congregate to whine about “their” married men/women and make themselves feel better for being cheating, lying sacks of shit. You have summarised whores, infidelity and unacceptable behaviour beautifully. I thank you for the time it must have taken to write such a well-thought response, and thank you for your support. xo
Well… what can I say Shattered Wife. How dare you call a cheating whore, a cheating whore!! Are you out of your goddamn mind woman???
PMSL!!!
Well fuck me!!! Didn’t he get his panties in a twist??
I have seen some of this guy’s blog and the first thought that popped into my mind was “why the fuck would I (or anyone) want to take advice from a cheating asshole like that?” Guess I was right. What gives him the right to spout on about what we, the betrayed spouses of this world, should be thinking, saying and doing to repair our marriages that were fucked up by… yes you’ve guessed it, another cheating asshole!! He is full of shit!!
Oh and by the way, “Wayward fucking Spouse”, who the fuck are you to hide behind your blog and bully a woman whose husband did exactly the same thing as you?? How can you call someone else out for doing the very same thing?? How dare you describe the feelings of a BS as “disappointment and hurt”. Your wife is probably disappointed you didn’t fucking run off with the whore you fucked you asshole!!
YOU are a coward! You have already shown yourself to be a coward by cheating on your wife. I’m thinking you probably aren’t the best person to be giving advice to anyone except the whores of this world because they seem to flock around you like flies on shit!!
LOL, you crack me up. Ha, yes, he did get his bitchy little panties in a twist. But what would expect from one cheater defending another cheater?? LAME! Thank you for supporting me and the other betrayed spouses here. xo
Oh and Shattered Wife, thanks for the shout out on my whore post!! I hope Kaitlyn liked it 🙂
Shattered Wife, Boo Fucking Hoo, love that, love all of your blogs that stand up for all of us that have been betrayed! And I totally agree with exercisegrace, I will never take one ounce of responsibility for my husbands’ affair, if he had worked half as hard on our marriage as he did his relationship with his WHORE, we wouldn’t be in this mess! And as for wayward spouse, he is a shit stain, he totally blames his wife & every other woman because the husband had an affair! I feel sorry for his wife! Thanks again for your blog, I couldn’t get through this without you guys. Hugs to all my blog friends, Joan
Yes, it’s easy to throw blame around as long as you’re the one not copping any of it yourself. Cheaters of the world, unite! Just leave the rest of us out of it, whores. Thank you, Joan! xo
Brokenjoan, you hit on one of the best points of all. I even said it to my husband once after d-day. Life was throwing a shit storm at us. Neither one of us were feeling like we were totally getting our needs met. BUT. What would it have looked like if you sent ME a love note? What impact would it have had if you had texted ME all day long, wondering how I was doing? I told him I GUARANTEE he could have fixed whatever he thought was broken with a FRACTION of the energy and effort he spent on his whore. And look where we are NOW! He is a mess over what he has done. Our marriage got obliterated. Our children were hurt and damaged. Our foundation was shaken and we have to rebuild almost entirely. A remodel would have been so so so so much easier on all of us. Too bad they don’t wise up, grow up, and listen up SOONER.
So true – would have made my day if my husband had texted ME, or gone out to lunch with ME, or had said he wanted to fuck ME and not some married whore. So many ‘what ifs’. Yet here we are, picking up the shards of our marriage, one microscopic piece at a time. I used to think wives who’d been cheated on but stayed in the marriage were weak doormats. But we all know sticking around and working through this shit is much harder than walking away. We all deserve fucking medals. xo
I completely agree. The me from several years ago, would have called the me of today spineless and crazy. I know differently. Along with all the other betrayed wives here, I am one of the strongest people I know.
“What would it have looked like if you sent ME a love note? What impact would it have had if you had texted ME all day long, wondering how I was doing? I told him I GUARANTEE he could have fixed whatever he thought was broken with a FRACTION of the energy and effort he spent on his whore.”
THIS! All day.
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I can’t converse with whores either 😦 or people who think I’m being immature by calling a whore…a whore. I really don’t care to change either, I tried once…scariest 5 minutes of my life. I give myself credit for not posting her real name and a picture, because it would hurt both her and my husband more. Whores are whores and Cheaters are Cheaters…don’t like the title? Don’t do the deed and become that person, but if you have? Shut the hell up I can’t stand whiners 🙂
Bless you, you speak the truth! I don’t care to change either. It’s amazing so many of them are in denial, but that’s a whore for you! You are a strong woman for not outing the whore…the temptation is so strong sometimes, isn’t it? Thank you for your support. xo
I understand your anger and how you feel. But you know, not every affair story is exactly the same. Sometimes there was no sex. Sometimes the MM is your boss and you can’t just walk away from him. Sometimes the OW ends things first. Sometimes the wife never finds out.
In my case, I had a lot to learn by interacting with wives on blogs. I found through A Good Wife’s blog that she and I had a lot more in common than I thought was possible, even though we had been on opposite sides of an emotional affair. She and I struck up a friendship that was beneficial to both of us
There is obviously no requirement that you read the experience of other women or that you try to understand what their road has been. You can hate whoever you’d like. And I agree that there is a real variety of OW out there–personally, I am incredibly turned off by those who lay out their sexual interactions in detail.
But there is a chance you might learn something about what happened with your husband. Or you may find that someone you love ends up as the OW and needs help in the future. Affairs are so prevalent, in so many forms, there is a part of me that feels like any one of us could play any role. You think you could never get caught in a situation, then before you know it you are smack in the middle of it. Again, that’s not true for every OW or affair, but it is true for some of us.
I welcome wives on my blog, as long as they don’t insult me personally. They can criticize me, just no insults. And I don’t like the word whore, in any setting, so I don’t allow that word. I even allow the comments of one wife who frequents your blog and loves to leave insults for me, because sometimes her comments bring up interesting issues that I think are worth discussing. I think we can learn from each other, if you are open to it
Well, that’s a fine and dandy point to have, but for me, it comes down to two questions. 1. Did the woman know the man was married? 2. If yes, did she engage with him in an inappropriate manner? If yes = WHORE. If you don’t like the title, don’t be one. Sex or no sex is irrelevant. The harm is done.
Well, obviously you are entitled to your opinion. And this is your blog, so I will stay off from now on.
But, for the record, I don’t believe I was inappropriate in that there was no kissing, no sex, no talk of sex, no flirting. Did we become emotionally dependent on each other, yes. But there is absolutely no way I deserve the title whore. It is a massive generalization, the same way many people call the wife a cold bitch. It is those people who refuse to see the humanity in affairs that are doomed to have them happen again
Why do you classify this as an affair? Did the wife find out? Did you throw a grenade into her marriage? Was she hurt?
No, that’s OK, I’ve just had a quick look at your blog. You felt a connection with him (yawn), you fell in love with him (zzz), you would text constantly (ho hum), and he ran across town to meet you before heading to couples counseling with his wife (proud of yourself?). Yep, I get it. We all get it.
Proof yet again that the only people who don’t like the title ‘whore’ are the whores themselves. You knew he was married and you pursued him. Relentlessly. Sweetie, that makes you a whore. One who cannot even appreciate the seriousness of her actions. One who justifies it to herself by saying “well, we never even had sex” blah, blah. Whatever gets you through the day, eh?
Good fucking riddance.
Hahaha. Is it a boring, nothing, stupid relationship or am I a whore? Or both?
You read one post on my blog and you think you know the story? That’s like me reading one post on your blog and assuming you were cold, refused sex with your husband, then went totally crazy when you found out the affair and he is only staying because he is scared of you. Sound like a stereotype? So does your response
I actually did not pursue him relentlessly. He pursued me. He told me he loved me and I did not reply. For two years, I did not reply. Last summer he asked if I was in love with him and I lied, saying no, go back to your wife.
So maybe that makes me a whore. And maybe you are a heartless bitch who deserved to be cheated on. And maybe your husband is still cheating on you. Or maybe there are just regular people circulating on these blogs. You and Nephlla can go enjoy some bitter cocktails together, after your husbands ultimately leave you, which they will. Because no one wants to spend time with a bitter, angry woman
And you should charge for your your services and become a fully-fledged prostitute.
You’re already one of the most dangerous kind of whores there are – the ones in denial. You encouraged the relationship, which makes you just as guilty. You never said NO. You never walked away. You liked the attention. You liked having a special secret friend. Try sticking to single men in the future – or does them being married and unattainable hold extra excitement for you? You’re wasting your time here, no-one is sympathetic to your ridiculous plight. Fuck off.
OPENHEART.. Call yourself whatever you like. Bottom line is YOU are a willing participant in destroying this marriage. Whatever his wife IS or IS NOT, she doesn’t deserve to have an outside party distracting her husband from fixing their marriage. She doesn’t deserve to have another woman waving a mirage to tempt him towards make-believe land. And trust me, that’s what it is. Are you PROUD of hurting his KIDS? Because you are. The time you steal texting, talking, meeting with him is the time he should be going to his kids’ soccer game, helping with their homework, cuddling them on the couch or reading them a story. They SEE what’s going on between their parents. It hurts them. It scares them.
and IF he leaves her for you? They will hate you. The grandparents, and cousins and uncles? They will hate you. Oh yes, I know. They LOVE you now. But wait until you destroy their son’s world, and hurt his kids. You will find yourself public enemy number one so fast you won’t know what happened. And eventually? Your married man will hate himself for what he did. He will hate you too, and likely he will push most of the blame off onto YOU because that will be easier then owning his own choices. And you will wear names far worse than whore. Read the blogs. it always ends that way.
Thank you for telling it how it is. xo
Sounds more like a friendship to me than an affair….or that it was ended at an appropriate time. Although I have to say a real friend wouldn’t try to take more time away from the friend’s spouse. They would encourage the “man” to take it up with his wife and work it out.
Bravo shatteredwife, until my husband had an affair I never called another woman a whore, but you are right if the ow screws a man she knows is married, she is a “WHORE”. And why can’t you walk away, boss or no boss, you should have used those legs for walking, not spreading, you said you understand our anger, well there it is, I’m not just angry I’m totally pissed off, at every WHORE who fucks a married man either emotionally or physically, then gets on these sites & expects the wives to understand why you are fucking our husbands, save your breath & for gods’ sake, have a little respect for yourself & keep your legs closed, if you want to be a landing strip for men,that’s your business, but there are a lot of single men out there who would give you a quick fuck! Shattered as you can tell I’ve had a trigger filled shitty day, I apologize for my rant, but openhearts’ comments really rubbed me the wrong way! Stay strong my friend, Joan
Joan, please don’t apologise for ranting – you are welcome to do that here. Open Heart is another delusional cheat seeking to justify her whorish behaviour, but by all means don’t call her what she really is: the other woman, a home-wrecker, a WHORE. Those words NEVER sit well with a cheat. They are happier talking about how they were “attention bombed”, how the man and his wife were no longer having sex, how she and the man had a special connection – love, even! The fucking NERVE of them, honestly. They should crawl back into hole from which they emerged. Stay strong, Joan, these whores are nothing more than temporary distractions who are usually dumped by their married men once the affair fog lifts and they realise how close they came to losing everything that ever meant anything to them. xo
I did keep my legs closed, thank you very much
And by the way, if you knew anything about having a career, a real career, a profession, you would know you can’t walk from a boss. I’m sure you are a stay at home mom who depended on your husband for an income, but when you are a woman working in business and are not married, that’s not an option. Welcome to the real world.
Some of us need to be responsible for our own living and have given up years working on professional degrees, with incredibly long hours once we get to the job world.
Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to understand me. I doubt you have the depth to understand me, either intellectually or emotionally. What’s interesting though, is your husband probably does. They can’t communicate with their wives at home that have very little interesting to talk about except the kids. You have no idea how boring you are
The beauty in my situation is that the wife doesn’t know. I guarantee that the next time your husband cheats on you, he will make sure you don’t find out
Tell yourself anything you like. Does it make you feel better? I am a career woman myself, and I know what’s like to have a boss. But I don’t conduct a secret relationship with him because I am an ADULT and not a miserable WHORE that needs the attention of a married man to feel good. Now get off my blog.
Gladly. Good luck with your marriage, sounds like it really has a chance
And by the way, be careful in who you assume the other women to be. I guarantee you that in the non-blog world you would trust me with your finances, your health, and even your children. You wouldn’t even think twice about it. You would let me take your child away from you, make them unconscious, and do procedures on them. You would beg me to do it, actually. With 60% of men admitting to affairs, I guarantee there are other women everywhere. Don’t make assumptions
You sound seriously delusional and unstable. Get some help.
OPENHEART. I held an executive level position in a major healthcare corporation before CHOOSING to stay home and raise my children. I know exactly what the work world is like. You CAN walk away from a boss. You can transfer to another department, another corporate location, or begin searching for another job entirely. Climb down off that high horse honey, it makes your ass look big.
LOL!
openheart, you give yourself too much credit. We know cheaters come in all shapes, sizes, professions etc. And the fact is most cheaters “affair down.”
You make blanket statements about “us.” We are smart women with morals, whether we chose to stay at home or venture out into the workforce. In my case I am a professional. I work full-time in the tech world surrounded by “gasp” men. I’ve never in 20 years attempted to pursue any of them, even though some have blatantly pursued me. In addition I have a part-time business I started on my own. I am the complete package, the catch. I can dress us in a hot little black dress, or slip on a pair of sexy fitting jeans and a ball cap. I can converse about politics, Ebola, the weather, cars, you name it. The fact was my husband was not secure enough with himself to be proud of me and my accomplishments. I have a passion for being a strong, confident woman full of depth who works her ass off building a secure future for OUR family.
You’ll never have more than what you have now. I (we and I’m speaking for all those cheated on) will always have our self respect.
Good Luck with your misaligned perception of your life and self.
Thank you shattered for your kindness, the last few days have been rough! XO
Oh openheart, I understand you more than you know, call me whatever you like, I was and will always be proud that I was a stay at home mom! A decent woman who loves her family, something you obviously don’t understand. As for me being boring & not intellectually able to carry on a conversation, do you actually think your boss or any man cares whether a whore like you can even talk, they are interested in only one thing, he would have fucked you & then just like my husband he would have gone back to his wife, the woman he really loves! As for you being a professional, what you did with your boss was certainly not being a professional! Maybe you’re in the wrong profession!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha, definitely in the wrong profession.
Well, since he hasn’t gotten sex from me in four years, I don’t think that was what he was after. Your logic doesn’t really make sense. And since he is the one still chasing me, you logic makes even less sense. Sorry, your cookie cutter answer doesn’t work here
So… you two did have sex while he was married? Or is he recently married? I thought you had never had a sexual relationship with him. Frankly, Openheart, I am shocked at the kinds of things you’re saying, like guaranteeing that these ladies’ husbands are still cheating on them/will cheat on them/they deserve to be cheated on/they’re boring/etc. I didn’t expect you to say those kinds of things, especially after reading your blog.
No, Susie, we never had sex. Or talked about sex. Or sexted or any of the above. And he is not recently married. I got triggered by being called a whore and the talk of spreading my legs, etc, which is simply not what happened.
For someone who clearly defines herself as worthy and intelligent I am curious as to why you would waste four years of your life on a man who clearly has never left his wife? Don’t you want to be with someone who can commit to you fully? Who loves you openly? Why would you waste your time partaking in a hlf baked relationship and then spend hours defending it? Why would you want to be in a relationship with a man who obviously lies to those to whom he has made sacred promises? He clearly lacks honor. What do you get out of this?
Well, I want to thank you all for a very lively debate! I have read all these comments over my morning cup of coffee. Love you, Shattered! You live in reality!
Openheart lives in her LITTLE fantasy bubble that will burst someday – it always does. Life is funny like that! Her life is very small and so is her point of view. Pay her no heed. She’s not worth it.
Joan, hugs to you and hope things are better!
Glad you were entertained LOL. And thank you for living in the real world and not fantasy land : ) xo
Thank you tempted, I hope today will be better than my last few days! XO Joan
I hope tomorrow will be a better day Joan xx
WOW… How did I miss this?? Shame I don’t drink or I’d have to pour myself a stiff one LOL!!
As I’m sure you all know by now, my husband had an emotional affair for a year with the same whore he’d fucked. The sex was over, there was little mention of the affair, he had been her boss, her mentor. She was asking for career advice, he was helping her look for another position. He was wishing her a good morning, sweet dreams at night. They were checking in throughout the day with each other. They did not have any meetings in coffee shops, there were no dinners for two at night, they didn’t meet in hotel bars. Does that make their “friendship” ok? No it doesn’t.
If you wouldn’t want your spouse to read the messages you are sending, if you wouldn’t want them to hear the conversations you are having, then you shouldn’t be having them.
Sex does not an affair make. An emotional affair can be just as damaging to the betrayed spouse as a sexual affair. If my husband is having a secret “friendship” with anyone, then it’s inappropriate.
I am a stay at home mom. Its the hardest job in the world but at the same time the most rewarding. The only reason my husband, and probably many other men, are able to be so successful in their careers, is that fact that their wives stay home enabling them to forge ahead at work. There’s no way my husband would be able to do the kind of hours and the massive amount of traveling he does, if I were at work. I actually had the more successful career out of the two of us but when he had his first opportunity to take a job overseas, I gave up any career ambitions I had so that he could fulfill his. I take offense that stay at home moms are dull, boring, stupid, lack any conversation and deserve to be cheated on. Way to alienate people openheartedconfessions!!
The MM that you are so desperately in love with, may well love you, but unless he leaves his wife, he is not free to love you. Kudos to him for not fucking you but at the end of the day, whether you believe it or not, you are still engaged in an emotional affair which I’m afraid does make you a whore, whether bodily fluids have been exchanged or not!
Very succinctly put, pabloswife. xo
Shattered wife… are you quite sure you actually understand the meaning of the word succinct? According to one of your commentators you’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, apparently you don’t have the depth to understand her LOL!! And to top if off, apparently you’re really boring PMSL!! Yeah right!! Best you get back to your knitting and get your husband to turn on the computer for you before he heads off to work tomorrow 😉 Pahahahahahaha!!!
I would add that someone who is clearly having an emotional affair with a married man, but after 4 years hasn’t figured it out is actually the person that lacks intellect… oh and morals.
Now THERE’S something we haven’t discussed: morals. Loose women = loose morals. Four years down the drain. Four years she could have spent daydreaming about someone who was free to love her. What a goddam waste.
Now, where did I leave my knitting needles…? 😛
Thank you Pabloswife, I hope things get better, but it’s been 17 months & sometimes it feels like just yesterday I looked at my husbands’ computer & saw where another woman told him she loves him! I lose hope when I think it’s going to be like this the rest of my life, that thought is more than I can bear. There’s just some days that are worse than others & that’s saying a lot! If I could just get those things that he said to her out of my head, but I can’t. He said they were lies, but even that makes me feel bad about him for telling lies to both of us so easily! Does any of this make any sense, I seriously think I’m losing it! I am so thankful for all of you on these blogs, my family wants me to quit talking about this & move on. When I’m around them, I smile & pretend like I’m okay, even though most of the time I’ve been crying the night before. Well enough of my pity party, sorry! XO Joan
Just yesterday you saw another woman telling him she loves him? Who is she? My goodness, Joan, you are an exceptionally strong woman. What is the meaning of it, did you ask him? Block out well-meaning relatives telling you to move on. If they haven’t been there, they don’t understand the many layers of pain you are suffering. You can be yourself here. I, too, lose help and wonder if I’ll one day wake up and not be in so much pain. We’re both still with our husbands, so we must have a tiny shred of hope. But God it’s hard some days : ( xo
Is it just me or does anyone else wonder why whores troll betrayed wives’ blogs? Some of them are genuinely sorry. Some are seeking a weird type of penance. But there are several that just like to stir the pot. You can see them commenting frequently on a number of blogs, being rude and offensive while they go. I guess they try to get us pissed off, and that helps them perpetuate the fantasy that all wives are awful. Must make them feel “ok” about screwing over their married man’s family.
They constantly seek to make themselves feel better by saying things like “he pursued ME!”, “but we didn’t have sex!”, “I love him!”. I don’t know how they sleep at night. Alone, is my guess.
Oh no, I said it feels like just yesterday I saw the message, it’s actually been 18 months! Unlikely I will ever see another message, he no longer gets on the computer, it’s his choice, said he’s too guilty. Wish he’d thought of that before. XO Joan
It’s amazing how fresh the pain can feel sometimes. It’s like your heart being ripped open all over again. xo
I think the reason why the OW “troll” betrayed wives blogs is because they DO feel guilt but will NEVER admit they are guilty! They come here to justify their actions. THEY KNOW BETTER and yet they don’t do better!
You know the expression…YOU JUST CAN’T FIX STUPID!
You just cant…
I completely agree. They come here, pick a fight and when they get one? Boom! All betrayed wives (the one they are hurting mostly) are mean bitches that deserve what they get.
Same idea my husband used when cheating. Pick a fight over something, anything and he didn’t have to feel quite sooooooo guilty about what he was doing to me. Somehow cheating was justified when we were arguing. Because after all, I was being a bitch. Makes perfect sense. But they forget THEY start it. Oh to be young (or middle-aged or old) and in love with yourself. LOL
Exactly – oh, to be completely in love with yourself and oblivious to everything!
And betrayed wives don’t believe all women are whores. Just the ones that have affairs with married men and are PROUD of it. You know, the ones that parade it all over the internet and flaunt it in the faces of women who have been hurt by whores.
Openheartconfessions, I have requested twice that you stay off this blog. Your ignorant whorish comments are not welcome here and I will delete them the second I see them. Stick to your own cheater blog and stop trolling around here. Or, to keep it simple for a dumbass such as yourself, FUCK OFF.
Love you, exercisegrace! Thanks for keeping it real. xo
Love you too friend! No one craps on MY friends without hearing about it!
I love all the love and support here, girls (and guys). Keep it up!
We’ll get through this phase in our lives. I DON’T want to experience this shit again!
Awesome post. You have me laughing so hard
Ha, you should read some of the comments!
I am one of those “whores” you speak of. I am married and had an affair with a married man.
I take responsibility for what I have done. I deeply regret it. I wish I had had the courage to take a different path and speak up for the problems I was facing – but I was weak and selfish and I didn’t.
The only thing I would say from reading these comments and this blog – is what do you call the cheating male ? There’s a lot of “whore” talk but it takes two to tango and whilst the affair is absolutely not the responsibility of the betrayed spouse. It *is* the responsibility of both the people who cheated – the woman AND the man.
I’ve had to sit there and listen to my husband calling me a c8nt and other horrible terms – but never once have I heard him describe the guy I had the affair with as anything like that.
not for nothing, but Recovering Wayward once published the real name and address of a betrayed wife blogger because she pissed him off. Told me all i needed to know about him.
SERIOUSLY??
unfortunately.
Your husband has no connection to the man you fucked. On the other hand, he is MARRIED to you. He will always be angrier at you. So your husband called you a cunt, I can’t blame him. In his eyes, you took out his heart and jumped up and down all over it. You didn’t care, you were completely heartless. Call the other man whatever you like: man-whore, asshole, fuckwit. What you call him doesn’t change anything. You, however, will always be a whore, will to risk your marriage for a relationship that means nothing. So tell me, why did you do it? And what did the other man’s wife do when (if) she found out? Did you own up to your husband or did he find out some other way?
I refer to my husband as a whore too, and a whole bunch of other unsavory describing words! You are right, it does take two to tango and I blame my husband just as much, if not more, than the whore he fucked.
I actually refer to my husband as a hypocritical whore because he lived through my infidelity and 13 years later decided he needed to fuck another married woman. Nice, huh? Oh, he’s culpable, to blame, responsible and a shithead for ACTUALLY becoming that hypocritical whore.
So I take your point that my husband has no connection to this man. But you have no connection to these other women – yet much of the venting seems to be at them rather than the men. I am not criticizing particularly – I just think it’s interesting because as far as I can make out basically if a wife has an affair she’s a whore and her husband basically is weak if he forgives her so she is basically dammed and beyond forgiveness. If a husband has an affair, the wives are hurt and angry of course but so many of them seem to forgive eventually or at least try to rebuild the relationship. There’s not as much language around men being bastards … is there even a male equivalent of whore?
So you asked some questions:
Why did I do it? It’s incredibly complex – I don’t think I even fully understand let alone anyone else.
I was at a low ebb personally, I have low self esteem. I have unresolved issues from my childhood (sexual abuse) which has meant I have issues saying “no” to men. I met someone who appeared really interested in me, turns out he was a sex addict and was basically grooming me. He chased me relentlessly, flattered me, made me feel like I was sexy, attractive, interesting – all to a person who feels unattractive, unable to communicate sexually and less intelligent and interesting than my husband. I resisted at first – but eventually he persuaded me to let down my barriers, bit by bit and before I really knew how it happened we were having an affair. By then it was too late almost, I was in too deep. I became reliant on him for my mental well being – his flattery and attention compensating for deficiencies within myself and I was unable to stop.
My husband found out by seeing an explicit email from him to me. I don’t know what the other man’s wife is doing. I immediately cut off all contact with him and I have no idea what she is doing or has done.
Thank you for sharing, even though I believe as adults we consciously make a decision to cross a line; we are no longer young and powerless. How long did your affair last, and was it both physical and emotional? Have you and your husband decided to stay together and work on the marriage?
I am not trying to say I was powerless – it wasn’t rape. I didn’t say no – which I bitterly regret. I agree that I did play an active role and that I have to take responsibility for crossing the line. I was just saying that now I also know (now – after a lot of therapy) that I have (had) issues which meant I was vulnerable and he was a predator.
The other issue was that I was not comfortable enough in myself to communicate any of this to my husband – I placed him on a pedestal and was unable to admit to him any of my past vulnerabilities and my concerns when this man started flirting. That is also my fault – because had I had the courage to share these things with him then we could have dealt with it together.
I have decided to stay and work on the marriage. I had a massive and awful realization the moment he found out. It was if my eyes were suddenly opened.
Unfortunately my husband is not trying to work on the marriage. We are in a fairly unhappy state where I tiptoe around him and he snipes and punishes me verbally. Yesterday he told me he was entitled to be horrible to me because of what I have done. I am scared to say anything to annoy him. It’s hardly a recipe for success. He has said he will divorce me anyway. It’s very sad.
I am sure you and the other betrayed will say I have got what I deserve.
I think it’s an incredibly sad situation. No-one is happy to see you get divorced, however, most people would say you made your bed and now you have to lie in it.
The reason I asked if it was an emotional and/or physical affair is that men have a MUCH HARDER time forgiving their spouse if the affair was physical. They become obsessed of images of their wife fucking some dickhead, picturing his ejaculation running out of her body.
You’ll find the betrayed women, however, while they also become angry by these thoughts, generally prefer to stay in the marriage and work on it.
How long ago was your D-Day? Your husband is acting like it’s still fresh. Then again, it’s the men who find it harder to stay in a marriage once an affair has hit. He sounds extremely angry. Do you have children?
I don’t know if your reasons for cheating on your husband will ring true for anyone around here. To me, they sound like a cop-out. I’m sorry to say that, but you sound like you’ve been fed a line by your therapist to make you feel better.
There’s not a lot you can do to persuade your husband that it was a mistake, that it will never happen again etc. All I can recommend is that you keep apologising to your husband. Say sorry – 20 times a day if you have to. More, even. Don’t let him get distant. Reach out to him, otherwise he will stew and make things worse in his own head.
You have betrayed him in a way that has turned his entire world upside down. He will never love you the same way again. You need to live with that, even if you do end up staying together.
Keep talking to us, if you feel you can. xo
Shattered, you said it so well, it is an incredibly sad situation! When you think about the sex act, it seems a ludicrous reason to hurt the ones you love most, to me I thought sex in itself,without love of course, pretty much placed us in the rutting animal kingdom! But I am a woman who believed in true love & that happy ever after shit, now I pretty much don’t know what I believe other than my husband seemed to be pretty happy rutting away 15 months of his life with a bitch who seemed to be in heat most of the time! You have been very kind to someone, who like my husband, was a grown up & certainly knew better, she probably does regret her unfaithfulness now, but sadly another family will never be the same again! If only!!! XO Joan
So it was a physical affair – D day was 8 months ago. We do have children.
I find it interesting you think my reasons are a cop out. I guess he does too. But I still feel in my heart of hearts I was not an evil person and I did not intend when I got married to hurt my husband so I have been really searching for a resaon. Maybe that isn’t it but just saying “because I was selfish, heartless etc” doesn’t really explain things to me. Just tells me I am a bad person which I know but doesn’t say WHY I was that bad person given I never originally intended to be a bad person.
I would happily settle for him never loving me in the same way again. But sadly he just doesn’t love me at all now. I have said sorry a lot but he doesn’t value apologys.
I wanted to say I appreciate you replying to me – you have been a voice of relative kindness especially given your circumstances. I am not sure if I can continue posting much longer because I am scared he will be angry with me for sharing details.
If it puts your mind at ease, we are all completely anonymous here. I wouldn’t know you of I ran into you on the street. Then again, I live in Australia! Do you mind if I ask how old your children are? Men usually stick around if there are young kids, as they want them to be brought up by two parents. I just think your situation is terribly sad. No-one intends to her their spouse when they get married. Funnily enough, when people have affairs, they don’t intend to hurt their spouses either. Unfortunately, it’s the worst kind of hurt there is. Why hasn’t your husband left yet? What’s keeping him at home? xo
The children are under 10 so that is the reason he hasn’t left yet – he doesn’t feel they should be punished but he is not sure how much longer he can last.
I know we are anonymous here but I said I would not speak with anyone about it and I feel as if this is speaking about it. I started off just making a post that was reasonably generic but now I am being more personal. I feel extremely alone and isolated so I guess that is why I started sharing. I have no one to talk to other than my therapist.
We’re in the same boat – I talk only to my therapist and on here. It is a very isolated existence, especially if your spouse despises you and wants nothing other than to leave. Eight months is a fair while – your husband sounds far angrier than I would expect at that stage. I’m 5 months in, and that really angry hate has subsided… that’s not to say I don’t hate everything about the affair, but the anger had definitely lessened. Feel free to talk to us any time. Nobody knows who you are, your husband has no reason to be angry. xo
Sorry to hear you are so isolated. That must be especially tough as you obviously don’t deserve to be going through this hell. I have no one else to blame but myself so it must be harder still when you didn’t ask for any of this pain but have to deal with it all on your own.
I saw from your other posting you are taking anti depressants and anti anxiety meds. I am also – I have to say I don’t think they help that much. They may help deal with ssome of the worst of the feelings but frankly they can’t help with the underlying emotions because the situation is just bad and no amount of medication really changes that.
I am sorry you are being put through this – I know my words don’t really help but I wanted to let you know anyway.
Unfortunately I am in the dark hole and I can’t see the light to climb out. I self harm. I think about suicide on a regular basis. I know I should fight for the children but what is the point? He’s already said he will take them and I have agreed. So really there is nothing much left to live for. I can’t stop crying – I am crying as I write this.
To be totally honest it’s easier when people criticize me. I find it harder when people are nice. This blog has kind of backfired because I thought I would be getting a much harder time and I almost crave punishment. When people are kind then I am just left with myself and my own thoughts and that is much worse. At least when it’s external punishment it’s not constantly inside my head.
You’re letting him take your children away from you?! Why the hell did you agree to that??
Because he said that if I had an affair it meant I did not love him and I did not love the children. If I had loved them properly I would not have done what I have done.
What can I do? I am the guilty party. I am the one who betrayed him. I have no choice but to agree to everything he has asked for. If I fight him then he will just be more angry and more resentful and ultimately that will be bad for the children. If I just let him have what he wants then at least it’s less fighting.
Get yourself a divorce lawyer and fight for them, goddam it. Your children are young – all they will remember is that their mother left them. Do you want your kids or not? Do you love them? No judge will award custody to the father just because the mother had an affair. FUCK, NOW I’M MAD! Forget how it’s going to make their dad feel, think about how it will make THEM FEEL, abandoned by their own mother who didn’t even want to fucking fight for them.
19 months later, I can tell I have mellowed out, I am feeling sympathy for this ow, the one who has named herself “oneofthewhores,” but also a profound sense of sadness that these people who have affairs are adults & can’t stop & think for a few minutes that what they are about to do will absolutely impact the rest of their life & their family! Her husband is justifiably sad right now & lashing out, he will eventually over time calm down, but it sounds like, not before he does something they are both going to regret. As for the suicide thing, I have been there several times, but like my oldest son reminded me, that in itself is an extremely selfish thing to do, it would of course get us out of the situation, but you would be leaving behind a grieving family & that’s not fair to them. So Shattered is right, though I think any excuse the cheater gives for having an affair is a cop out, that being said, I would not let my children go without a fight, so put on your big girl panties, face up to what you did, deal as best you can with your husbands’ anger, but let him know, no matter what you did, he will have a fight on his hands if he attempts to take your children away from you. Good luck, sounds like you will need it!
Well said, Joan. xo
Is it really better for the kids to see the parents fighting over custody because it will get ugly.
He said I abandoned them the day I decided to have an affair. Anyway, who says I would win in court. I self harm & suicide attempts and severe depression. I am hardly going to be portrayed as a fit mother. I don’t think I am a fit mother – to be honest he is right. . I left them already – the day I was unfaithful. I love them but if I was prepared to have an affair and ignore the impact on them then I don’t really deserve the right to bring up the kids. Who says that being brought up by their Dad is a bad option. Surely he is proven to be a better person because he didn’t have an affair.
I honestly think most of the time it’d be easier if I was dead.
Thanks for your replies. Of course the other side of the coin is that if I get custody of the children then my husband doesn’t.
Either way the children lose and either way I have split up what was a happy family.
I don’t really know how to live with myself knowing that.
I don’t understand. Why can’t you share custody?
Because we can’t afford two houses. So one of the two of us will need to live in a 1bed apartment while the other lives in the house with the children. The children will live in the house.
My advice – stop letting that man bully and abuse you. You are a human being, stand up for yourself. You made a horrible mistake, but that does not give him the right to abuse you. That’s never okay. It’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to want out, but it’s never okay to browbeat and abuse someone to the point of suicide. He should be horrified enough that you’re harming yourself to at least back off and leave you in peace. The abuse serves nobody and it has to stop. Whatever you decide about the kids needs to be what is best for them and not something you were bullied into. Yes, you should feel ashamed, and it’s probably also true that if you had been putting their best interests ahead of your own, you would have done things far differently. But that doesn’t mean that you are worthless to them as a mother now. I think if you asked them, they’d say something far different. You may not be the most fit parent to have custody right now, but you are the mother they have. The only one they will ever have. Don’t let your shame cripple you from being the best mother you can be from this point onward.
One of the most horribly painful things that has come out of my husband’s affair is the way I feel when other’s say there must have been problems in our marriage for him to go elsewhere. That is a lie! In the 11 years together, married 10, we never…NEVER…had any problems. We were BOTH very happy and our marriage was far from boring. Sex was wonderful, we laughed and spent lots of time together. Everyone, us included, thinks we are perfect for each other. It’s so hard to understand why he chose to pursue another woman. Perhaps it’s because they’d known each other for most of their lives. Perhaps he saw an ugly opportunity. It WAS NOT because of unhappiness. So, beware, even happy marriages can be ruined by infidelity.
This is true. And it makes me FUME when cheaters say this in order to justify their own selfish behaviour. xo
The only things, I can tell, that he told this whore, was that I wouldn’t ever have sex with him…which was a lie…and that I never paid attention to him…another huge lie. I guess he had to tell her something.
Love this post. Everything you wrote is perfect. You are awesome!
The fucking whore wrote to my husband” my feeling for you Is not driven by a lust or desire to ruin anyone’s life and keep you all to myself, it is far more simple and pure for me. A true affection.” What a whore! why do you even have true affection for another married man when you already have a husband! Now my husband dumped her like pile of shit, all the true affection can go to her fat ass.
The AP in my situation had an abusive husband that cheated on her. So somehow I was also supposed to feel bad for her situation. She’d been with the abuser for a decade BEFORE they married but she needed my husband’s assistance to get out of the situation. And now she’s stolen my life. I will be financially ruined, and she is now going to have my husband AND his child.
Explain to me how the devoted wife is a terrible person? I planned an anniversary trip for my DEAR husband and he rewards a decade of devotion with the revelation he not only cheated but she’s having his child. Please, PLEASE pity the other woman.
THAT FUCKING WHORE!
Thank you! Thank you for not holding back. Thank you for sharing your true, raw emotions concerning the affects of an affair despite how it may make others feel. Thank you for not apologizing for how you feel, what you say, or or do!
Haha, me, hold back? That’s just not me at all. Thank you for putting a smile on my face. SWxo
The other woman in my case had the nerve to tell me I set this path for her by not wanting my husband to be her friend… she then unblocked me this year to go put “love” on my pregnancy announcement. She puts herself as a misunderstood free spirit but she has broken up 4 marriages.