It’s been four painful months since I discovered my husband was in the throes of an affair with a married woman.
How am I? I have OK days and I have utter shit days. The OK days are mostly due to anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication I’m taking (Enlafax), the bad days are usually thanks to a trigger fired off by my husband.
Last night, for example, we arranged a date night and headed into Chinatown before seeing a movie (The Wolf of Wall Street).
I looked great (I busted my husband checking out my body as I was putting my makeup on!), I felt good, and we had a fun evening planned.
While we were eating dinner, my husband began telling about a new frozen yoghurt place that had opened in the shopping strip near his work – which also happened to be where he would meet the whore for lunch.
And that was enough to bring the evening to a screeching halt.
“What’s wrong, what did I say?” he asked when he noticed me looking down, pushing food around my plate with chopsticks. Then the tears began rolling down my cheeks as I told him.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “What would you like to do?”
“Go and see the movie,” I replied avoiding his gaze.
That’s the bloody thing about triggers. You never know when one will fire into your chest, leaving you sobbing like you’ve just discovered the terrible truth.
To make matters the worse, the movie had a wife catching her husband cheating on her, which brought up a bunch of other stuff.
So, where are we four months on? I’m not sure. I know that I am no longer a blubbering mess on a daily basis, which is a relief.
We are progressing with couples counselling and have now had four sessions. At our next session, my husband will be reading out a letter to me, answering a list of about 30 questions relating to the affair. That was his homework from session 3, but when we turned up to session 4, he hadn’t finished. Which meant I had to wait another FORTNIGHT to hear the answers to my questions. He better be finished this week…
At the moment I’m having more fair days than bad days, but today I told my husband that I didn’t think we were making much progress in couples counselling and that we should stop for a while. He disagreed. Let’s see how things go at our next session on Tuesday night.