The one “benefit” to come out of my husband’s affair has been my dramatic weight loss. In the space of two months, I dropped 10+kg, or 20 pounds, or almost two stone, depending on which corner of the world you’re reading this.
I hate using the word “benefit” because it implies something good – and not a lot of good has come out of this mess. So if losing a shitload of weight is my only “benefit”, then so be it. (My face has aged 10 years in the same period so I doubt I’m #winning.)
The strange, almost unbelievable, thing is that I have been a comfort eater my whole life. In good times or bad, I turn to food.
So how, in my greatest hour of devastation, pain and anger, have I not come out of this the size of an elephant?
I have an (unproven and baseless) theory that your metabolism changes once you discover your partner has been having an affair.
It’s why this sudden weight loss is known as the BS (betrayed spouse) diet or infidelity diet.
When my husband commented on my new hot bod, I informed him of this specialised diet. His face crumpled and he apologised (yet again) for the trauma he subjected me to with his thoughtless actions.
Whenever we’re out and someone comments to me “you’re fading to nothing!” I cringe inwardly while managing a weak smile. I make excuses that I’ve simply dropped the baby weight, or am walking more, or simply eating less crap. I dare not look at my husband’s face.
But inside, I am screaming “MY HUSBAND HAD AN AFFAIR AND FOR SOME INEXPLICABLE REASON, I’VE STOPPED EATING.” But I keep my mouth shut.
Until this point, whenever I dropped my kids off at school, I’d look around at all the obese mums, the unattractive fatties with huge guts and thunder thighs, and wonder to myself “Does your husband still find you attractive?”, “Does your husband actually have any desire to fuck you?”, and even “I hate to tell you this but there is no way your husband ISN’T cheating on you!”
I mean FUCK, what a judgemental bitch!
No, it’s OK, you can say it. I say it to myself every single day.
Now look who’s eating humble pie – ME! Didn’t see that coming in a million years. My adoring husband, the love of my life, the adoring father of our three amazing children, fucking cheated on me. Fuck, fuck, FUCK.
Now I see those same women in the playground and I see someone who sacrificed herself for her children; a selfless person who put everyone else’s needs before her own; a mum who lovingly prepares everyone else’s meals while eating standing up, shovelling in whatever she can in the tiny space of time she can get. Or maybe she just eats to relieve the boredom of her monotonous life.
But I also now notice the thin 40+ mums, the ones who turn up in athletic gear, the ones in pencil thin dresses, Immaculately made up. And I wonder “Did your husband cheat on you?”, “Do you work out to keep your husband interested?”, “Do you tend to your looks so your husband doesn’t look elsewhere?”
The affair and the aftermath sucks, but it has given me a different perspective on life and taught me not to be so fucking arrogant and dismissive.
How about you? Have you seen any “benefits”?