The most surreal conversation I have ever had with my husband came after I unwittingly discovered he was having an affair.
Yesterday, I wrote about that time-stopping moment and how my life – as I knew it – ended the moment I found insanely inappropriate messages to another woman on his phone.
It was 2am on Saturday, November 9.
I stormed into my son’s bedroom where he had fallen asleep while putting our son to sleep and woke him up, none too gently.
He followed me out of the bedroom and I asked him to sit on the couch.
“Why are we doing all this stuff for our future?” I asked him. That was my first question. We’d recently invested in a number of ventures to secure our financial future.
He didn’t answer, so I asked the question again. “Why are we doing all this stuff?”
He looked at me confused. “So we can have a secure future, for our children.”
I looked at him like he was mad.
“Who’s Kat?”, I asked. And when I got no answer, I asked it slower and louder.
“WHO IS KAT?”
The look on his face told me what I had suspected.
Kat was the woman with whom he was having an affair.
A million questions were fighting each other in my head to be the first to be asked. But this one won:
“How long has it been going on?”
“About 3 months,” he answered with his head hanging.
“Three months?”, I asked. “But our baby was only two months old.”
Oh God. My heart sank. Our little baby. Our beautiful little baby, betrayed by his father.
“Did you sleep with her?”
“No.” I didn’t believe him.
“DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER?”
Anyone who thinks an emotional affair is less damaging because there is no sex is dreadfully long. An emotional affair is one in which there is an exchange of personal information, and which is kept secret from the spouse.
Unlike wham-bam-sex affairs, emotional affairs can be far more dangerous due to their nature of getting to know one another intimately first. An emotional connection is a meeting of minds. It’s about finding someone who understands you and can empathise with your situation.
Kat, it turned out, was a married mother of two children.
And my husband, it turned out, had begun chatting to her via a phone app.
They had also met in person. Twice. On a work day. For lunch. More about that another time.
So in a nutshell, while I was busy bringing our third child into the world, waking every two hours at night to feed him, and while recovering from a botched caesarian where I still could not stand fully upright, my husband was off having an affair.
What a stand-up bloke.