Two months ago, I discovered my husband was having an affair.
That was the day my life as I knew it shattered into millions of little pieces, never to be the same.
I am 42. I met my husband when I was 20. We have been together for more than half my life.
He was my everything.
Now, he is a lot of other things. A cheater. A bastard. A coward. A liar. A betrayer. A sneak. Someone I no longer recognise.
He will never be my everything again.
Because once someone who professes to love you has an affair, life comes to a screeching halt. They no longer deserve that exclusive place in your heart.
The hurt is unlike any other. It penetrates your soul and consumes you like a parasite, sucking any joy and light out as it goes.
You cannot breathe. You cannot eat. Your mind races with hundreds of questions. You cannot concentrate. You cannot think about anything else.
It’s exhausting.
That night, my husband had put one of our three children to bed and ended up crashing out on his bed.
I was in bed when I woke to feed our youngest, our 5-month old baby. When I finished, I put the baby back in his bed and went downstairs to see where my husband had ended up.
On my way, I walked via my computer and noticed he had plugged his phone into the charger next to it. For some reason, his phone wasn’t locked. His phone is ALWAYS locked. There go the warning sirens right there, no?
I looked at his phone and noticed a curious app symbol at the top of the screen. Curiosity got the better of me and I tapped the icon.
And then I almost collapsed.
Because what I saw on the screen next would change my life forever.
It was a conversation between him and his ‘affair partner’ or ‘AP’.
I saw goodnights at the bottom of the conversation so I scrolled back up the screen.
“I want to put my lips in your pussy.”
Huh? What was he saying? I thought I was going to pass out.
“I can’t talk anymore. My phone battery is dying and my wife is getting suspicious.”
Oh God. Did he really just say those words to another woman? A stranger?! Who the fuck was she?
Like a car crash, I couldn’t look away. I read. And I read.
And then I stormed into my son’s bedroom where he lay to have it out with him.
Shattered By My Husband's Affair 
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Oh my Gawd!! This makes me sick just reading this. Im so sorry you are going through this crap. Men are scumbags, No one deserves to be treated this way. Are you still together???
Hello purpleflower, 10 weeks after discovering the affair, we are still together, living in the same house with our three young children. We start couples counselling next week. I don’t know how it’s going to pan out, but we would both like to stay with each other. Have you been in this boat?
No i havent but I wish you all the luck with counseling. I hope your husband changes so you can trust him again. I could not imagine dealing with this. You are a strong person for even staying with him.
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I keep reading “Because once someone who professes to love you has an affair, life comes to a screeching halt. They no longer deserve that exclusive place in your heart.” Over and over…those words are my reality and I hate that fact that those feelings will never change.
I know…Someone who loves you wouldn’t do that 😦 Hang in there. How long since your D-Day?
It’s been since August 2011, I had just given birth to our first child. Our son was 4 months old when I found out about the affair. It’s been awhile but, I still get random tiggers. I don’t know if they will ever go away…
Hi. I came across your blog today. I just started reading it, and so far, I have to say, I love the way you write it. You express exactly what goes on in my mind. D-Day for me was June 5, 2013. The day the bomb dropped and my world changed forever. I am now one year and one month post D-Day and I still feel lousy some days. it sucks big time. My husband didn’t have just one affair. He had many over a six year period and I had no idea! We have been in counseling for over a year and we’ve made progress, but those feelings inside can be pretty fresh sometimes….especially when those triggers happen.
Hi Sherry and welcome. I’m sorry you’re hear but glad you found us : ) Wow, multiple affairs – how did you discover it? We all have bad days here. Affairs really fuck with your sanity, don’t they? Triggers can come out of nowhere and you never know how badly they’re going to hit. Thank you for giving us some hope that progress can be made. xo
Thanks for the welcome shatteredwife. 🙂 My story is a bit long, but I will make it as short as possible. In the summer of 2011, two court notices came in the mail with a female name at the top and my husbands name and our address at the bottom. Turns out, after quite a bit of pressure on my part for some answers, my husband said that him and her were “just friends” and that he was helping her out. Those court notices came to our house because he bailed her out of jail. Yeah, a real winner she was right? He took almost $2,000 of OUR money to bail that whore out of jail! Then he proceeds to tell me they are “just friends?” He said he met her a couple of times at the gym. Well, I certainly did not believe his story. For almost a year and a half, I would argue with him about it because I didn’t believe him. I was like, you don’t just meet someone at the gym twice and then take that amount of money out to bail her out of jail. I knew there had to be more going on. He never admitted to anything until a year and a half later AFTER he left us for his last whore. Not the one who was in jail. There were two after her. His last whore I call Skank. He walked out on me and our kids and stayed with her for days. She was a single whore so it was easy for him to stay with her. Most of them were married. After finding out he left us for a whore, I got to a point where I was going to end the marriage. I didn’t deserve how he was treating me. Told him I deserved better. Once he heard I was going to end our marriage, he broke it off with Skank. That was May 2013. So, on June 5, 2013 is when he revealed it all to me in a counseling session. Told me about them all.
Wow, I can’t believe he spent that much money to bail out a whore. Unbelievable. I’m so sorry to hear of the hell he has put you through. Do you believe he is remorseful? xo
I couldn’t believe he took that much money to bail her out of jail either. To top it off, he had lost his job three months before! So he was out of work, cheating on me. Found out he wasn’t even looking for a job for four months because he would rather spend all of that time with her. All of those job interviews he told me he was going on……well, there were no actual job interviews. Those “interviews” were with her! I do believe he is remorseful for all that he has done.
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Thank you so much for this blog. I wish nobody needed it, but thanks to people who didn’t get their sh!t right, here we are. It’s 3.43 am where I am and I’m wide awake. I’m 7 months past DDay and into navigating through this mess and I still get the odd sleepless night, while he snores soundly. WTF.
Anyways, I’m so glad I found this, I’ve been reading for hours and SO many things resonate and make complete sense to me. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone in this bull$hit that is the aftermath of an ultimately selfish act. Sad, but true.
I’m sorry you find yourself here, but hope you take some strength from my words, and comfort from the other wonderful women here. SW xo
I’ve only just found this and was going to read everything before commenting but I can’t restrain myself. Just read a few of the most recent posts and this one so far, but will read the rest after posting here.
My marriage was effectively over already when I found out.
I’d left because I hated our house. I’d begged and pleaded for years (10 years) to move, but, due to terrible choices (bought two semi-detached houses that had originally been one house in 1925 then split into two in 1935; then numerous fiddly extensions added over the next 60 years), the house was worth much less than we’d paid for it and spent on it, so he refused to sell).
Finally he agreed to sell, but by then it was too late and no-one wanted to buy it. At this point I hated it for many reasons. It was too big and had a really bad layout that made it very difficult to look after our kids. Whenever I complained he just commented that all the walking needed to go from A to B was good as it would keep me fit; yet if he wanted something that was too far away to bother to fetch he’d tell one of the kids to get it for him. I could go on, there were multiple issues such as the heating in my bathroom not working, drawers which fell off their runners, furniture blocking walkways, the kids insisting on watching TV while eating, etc. I’d constantly be thinking of ways to change the house to improve things but ultimately couldn’t come up with viable solutions. I needed a house that was built for purpose.
Financially we struggled in the early years, but more recently he’d been (seemingly) successful with his business. I think this is the biggest problem, as he felt he was Donald Trump or something, his ego and his head swelled to the point where he saw himself as some great catch and I didn’t. I never worked after our first child was born ( he is 26 nearly), he always brought this up as if I should be eternally grateful, along with the fact that I had ‘cleaners’ to help (they were always terrible – over ten years I had twelve different people or teams of cleaners but I was never happy – I ended up self-diagnosing obsessive compulsive personality disorder for this and ultimately reasoned I’d be happier doing it all myself).
I’m waffling now, but I’m getting there.
After getting rid of my ‘cleaners’ and attempting to manage alone (and failing – I did some studying at home which took up too much time), the house deteriorated and my husband called me selfish for studying. At this time I noticed he started ignoring me even more than normal and was coming home later and later. He’d always worked late and gone away on business a lot so I didn’t really think anything of it, but now I know this is when his most recent affair started.
Anyway, after months of him threatening to leave, but failing to do so, I asked him why he hadn’t left already, and to go ahead if that’s what he wanted – looking back now I realise he wanted me to kick him out, because he asked me if that’s what I wanted. If I’d known what I was up against I might have responded differently. Truth was, he was very unattractive physically and inattentive and unhelpful – he never helped with kids or housework.
He left but nothing changed. He had been working away Sun/Mon-Fri/Sat anyway, all he did was rent a flat in the nearby city which he used as his bachelor pad instead of going to his other workplace. He still came back weekends and totally ignored us all.
He then suggested he buy a house for me and my two youngest (5 and 10 by now)- this was 2008. How to be brief? Due to his insane insistence on getting a bargain we failed to buy anything so I ended up moving into a rented property which was ideal. The day I moved in was the last time I remember feeling happy.
After moving in I went away on holiday with my two youngest. On return I discovered that he had filled the house with boxes of practically everything and it was all muddled up. For years I’d had a problem with excessive buying and had bought so many toys and clothes etc for the kids it would take me all day to keep the house tidy. I was incredibly angry but couldn’t give him a hard time as his mum had just been diagnosed with cancer. She died a few weeks later. I never did manage to sort out all the boxes despite trying. We were asked to leave the house as the landlord wanted to sell. At this point I should have moved back but I didn’t. I rented somewhere less suitable but adequate. Six months later we were asked to leave as the landlord wanted to sell. As I was afraid I was going to be doing this forever I ended up buying (with him) a house which was totally unsuitable because it was all we could afford in the location I wanted. I had looked at the house as soon as he’d suggested buying but dismissed it as it was too small. But it had ‘potential’.
We moved in September 2009. I found out about the cheating just after Christmas 2010. At first it didn’t bother me or affect me at all. My marriage was over. It had been over a while. I actually thought it was quite amusing that he’d cheated on her. That’s how I found out. When she discovered he’d been cheating on her she insisted he tell me or she would. The trouble is I only got the truth in dribs and drabs. He’d got so used to lying he couldn’t stop. He still can’t. He still lies about it, or at least won’t tell me anything. He says it’s because he ‘doesn’t/didn’t want to hurt me’; but nothing he could say hurts as much as not knowing.
I read ‘Not Just Friends’. It kind of helped. What really hurt is that I thought they’d met and started seeing each other after we’d split but eventually I discovered through looking through old receipts that it started way back when before he even moved out. He’d taken her on expensive luxury 5-star spa resort holidays while refusing to come away with me and the kids as he was too busy with work. He’d paid for her to have cosmetic procedures. He’d taken her to charity balls etc etc etc.
Before I found the receipts I’d asked him if they’d been away together. ‘I’d never do that to you’ was his reply. All along he denied everything so I thought it was just sex. What I couldn’t understand, and still don’t, is: why lie when you have no intention of keeping the marriage alive? Why? The only answer I can think of is that he’s so used to lying he can’t stop.
The stupid golddigging whore emailed me shortly after pretending to be sympathetic and offering to answer any questions I had. That went badly. She lied as much as he did. I ended up not being able to believe a word either of them said.
And she ended up phoning me and shrieking abuse at me down the phone like a crazed harpie.
I ended up practically having a nervous breakdown as multiple other problems arose that year. I hit rock bottom and it was mostly due to his continuing lies.
Years have past and I’m still not over it. I’ve tried different counselling. They haven’t helped. My elder daughter decided almost 3 years ago to go and live with her dad. Since then I’ve been a mess. My house has gone from cluttered and messy to an unusable pigsty. My youngest has just started secondary school and hates it. She won’t do her homework. She wants to live with her dad too. He’s not there half the time so my autistic son has to take care of the 16-year-old. Every day I think about killing myself but don’t do it because a) it’s not fair to leave the mess for someone else b) the effect it would have on my kids, especially the youngest. But they all hate me anyway. I asked my husband if I could move back a year ago, but he said I could only move back once my house was in order. He’s got a retired professional footballer staying in my bedroom, rent free, and he won’t kick him out.
I can’t sleep at night so end up sleeping all day after I’ve taken my daughter to school. At this point I just spend all my time online and watching TV, reading books. If it weren’t for Game of Thrones I think I might be dead.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. My day of discovery happened 10 days ago on January 17, 2015.
I found suspicious items in my husband’s suitcase bag while packing for a weekend trip. I called him as he was on his way home from running and errand and told him in a calm and serious tone, “You’re cheating on me”. He became silent and said, “I’m coming home now”. I asked him to please answer yes or no, and said He had done it once. When he got home I stared at him and was eerily calm while he started in in this saga of explanation.
He had met a young lady in front if his office building, which is 1 mile from our home. They met for 4 lunches over 6 weeks. On the third lunch she gave him a blowjob. It did not get to intercourse because he had limited time before he had to return to work. He says she seemed to be getting more attached, so he pulled away. Days he was looking for attention since our sex life had diminished since having our two children (5 and 23 months).
I wanted to leave. I look at my children and I feel I need to try. I grew up in a divorced home and for us children, it was difficult. He has she’d tears and has said that he wants to do everything possible to make it work. He wants us to date each other and be best friends again.
I feel weak at times for still being here. I wonder if just getting new place on being on my own will be healthier for my kids. We have a long road ahead . I’m starting counseling because this is a horrible thing to have happen.
For the past two months, I asked and asked if there was anything going on. We were fighting so frequently and had barely any intimacy or positive relationship s with each other. He told me I was delusional. All the signs were there. I’m so angry.
Hello Firefly, wow, D-Day for you is so recent. All I did in those early days is cry. In the supermarket, in the car, down the street. How do you recover from such a monumental betrayal? They were the hardest days. I have a 20-month old and my husband’s affair with that married whore began when my baby was just 8 weeks old. It saddens my heart to even think about it now. What are these suspicious items you found? Well done for working it out. My husband says he didn’t fuck that whore either, but how the fuck can we ever be sure? It doesn’t matter. The damage has been done. The way I see it, you can leave, or you can find a way to move past it and stay. Both options suck. Sending you strength at this shitty time. SWxo
My husband said he didn’t fuck all the prostitues he was texting. Turns out he fucked every single one of them…
Christmas Day, 2014. Came home from mass earlier than expected. He was in the bathroom behind closed doors, talking on the phone, clearly not to a family member. Closing line; “WE’ll talk soon; Love you.” I walked in and told him time to fess up. He’d been lying to me for months; openly denying my questions about this possibility, yet here he was. Not just lying, but telling me whoppers.
28 years of marriage and 3 kids. I feel all the pain you have so accurately described. Two months later we are trying to make things work; I am told the affair is over but how do I believe that? And I wonder why I am trying, after what he has done, especially knowing I can never again look at him in the same light as I did for all those years.
Hi PLJ, he told the other woman he loves her, but now wants to work things out with you? What is his reasoning? They ALL become lying sacks of shit when having an affair. I’m so sorry you find yourself in this surreal new reality. You are only a couple of months out, so everything is still so fresh for you. It’s a very tough time. How old are your children? Have you been able to tell anyone? And to have Christmas Day as a trigger, ugh 😦 SWxo
I found out that my husband of almost 40 years had been having an affair for 4 years with the bitch…..who is 20 years younger than me. I don’t need to tell you how I felt.
I never had a clue, He tells me it was just sex…….wtf.
I don’t know what I am doing can’t eat can’t sleep….. I hate the bastard.
Bitch put a note through my door, so even though H had finished it she made sure I knew about it…..to get back at him for finishing .
I am 8 weeks past DDay….. And don’t know what I am going to do next.
He has told me every horrible detail… Not sure if that is better.
I will deal with him, but I want revenge on her……comments please!
Karen, the best advice I ever received, which I will happily pass onto you is this: You don’t have to make a decision RIGHT NOW. Sit on the fence for as long as you need to. If you don’t know what to do, sit on the fence. A wrong decision made quickly can last forever. Take your time. No-one is rushing you. I can tell you that 8 weeks after D-Day is NOTHING. Right now, anger is ruling your decision making, not logic. As for the whore, is she married? My first port of call would be her husband. I think if you ask most betrayed spouses, getting details (horrible or otherwise) I’d like squeezing blood out of a stone. I believe it’s better than “trickle truth”. I’d rather know everything there is to know upfront, without lies, and without waiting for something more sinister to be revealed down the track. Don’t worry about food – your appetite will return within 12 months – but please, force yourself to drink water. Keep your brain hydrated. Sending you strength. SWxo
Thanks for taking the time out to reply, on the night I found out I phoned the Samaritans ( that’s how shattered I was ) I then decided not to rush into things, work at my own pace.
No bitch is not married she has been married 3 times, could not keep a man, false boobs and very confident. I hate him and I hate her, she knew he was married as they work for the same company……H said he was so flattered that a younger woman fancied him, I told him he was so immature, he would go to her house about once every other month…..that’s why I never suspected as he only went out about once a month, did not always get a fuck……last June she told him leave me or he would never have sex again……he even went back 3 more times even though she stopped sex….thought he may get it..bastard.
Anyway when he came to his senses, he finished it…and she went mental.
Made sure I knew, my H have told me everything right down to the positions ……2 days after he told me, bitch dumped 2 black bags on my door step, 1 containing underwear, and 1 containing porn dvd, s and sex toys…….H told me that he told he to buy a set of underwear for her birthday and he gave her the money…..the other underwear he said he did not buy…..as for the sex toys he swears that he never seen them before and that he never watched a porno with her, which if I am honest I do believe him. Not that that makes a difference.
Any way the affair was sordid , no meals no champagne no gifts apart from underwear, ………I think she wanted him at first, then I believe she wanted the power over him……and like a twat he kept going…..the counsellor I saw said she is very damaged, she just wanted my lifestyle…..she has 2 girls, still living at home.
She asked H to leave me and get a flat then they would see how the relationship progressed………she did not really want him, he is 60, bald and slightly overweight he is the same age as his father…..no fool like an old fool.
I really want revenge on her.
Just sitting tight at moment, trying to look after myself.
I could go on and on…..
She does indeed sound very damaged and maybe a little unstable. Be careful about setting off her vindictive side. Men get so cunt-struck, don’t they? I’m glad you’re getting some counselling. Is your husband also going? What are his thoughts now, does he want to stay? PS Have you thought about outing her on shesahomewrecker.com? SWxo
Yes I think she is fucking damaged, bitch.
I would out her, but no website in England.
H does want to stay…..says he loves me and want to make a go of this…..
Does not understand why he did this…….let his dick rule his head.
We will see…….
You can still out her on shesahomewrecker.com as an international whore and list the location as UK! Then send us all the link so we can add comments : ) I wish you so much strength. It was such a long affair and she is out for revenge herself. Do you feel your safety threatened? Perhaps call a police hotline that looks after non-emergencies and leave some details. Better to be safe than dead. SWxo
Yes your right it was a long affair. Might try to put her on home wrecker , H don’t seem to think she will come near the house again, but I will be on my guard …..thank you for you kind words and I will continue to follow you, whilst trying to heal.
One the one year anniversary of my father’s death we were supposed to haul hay. Our oldest son and 2 buddies were coming to help so I fixed a huge farm breakfast. As my husband of 13 years slept (he worked nights), I was cooking, packing coolers with refreshments, trying to move a truck so I could hook a big truck up to the big flatbed for the hay. I couldn’t find the keys. I asked my youngest to look in his dad’s work car for truck keys. He came back with five (5) Trac phones. I started reading. I fell to my knees. I got up, put on my game face and “big girl panties”, hid the phones, the boys showed up, we ate breakfast, went to the hay field to load the trailer, brought the hay to the barn, unloaded and stacked it, the boys hugged me, thanked me for breakfast and left. Hubby showered and dressed for work, hugged me and kissed me goodbye with the obligatory “I Love You”. I waited for him to get an hour down the road, an hour where I read some more and quickly determined there were at least 5 solid long term relationships with other women, two fake email accounts and over 374 Craigslist attempts (I stopped counting at 374) to find more fuck-buddies. He was also using a fake name for some of these women. I called him just before he reached the jobsite. I asked, “Who is blank, blank, blank, blank and blank?”. He replied, “I have no idea.”. I said, “Look in the console of your car mother-fucker.” there was a brief moment of silence and he said, meekly, “i’ll turn around and come back home.”. I said, “You’ll never make it down the driveway. Go to work. I’ll be in the parking lot when you get off at 4am.”. It’s been 2 years 9 months ago today. A lot has happened. There are days i’m glad I stayed, most days I wish I had left. My world was shattered and my heart and soul fell through the crack. I’ll never be the same. It will never be ok again.
I know exactly what you mean…things never are the same again. Your husband’s sex addiction was deep and complex. Five relationships, hundreds of Craigslist attempts, and fake email accounts takes LOT of time to maintain. I’m so sorry you were betrayed so horribly and thoroughly. Your pain must be indescribable. How did you get through those early weeks? What did he offer up in the way of an explanation? You are amazing to have stayed. SWxo
I found out just like you; I saw my husband’s phone.
My d-day is 10/11/2015.
Is there hope. Did counseling help? Are you still together??
My husband has had his mistress for 2 1/2 years . I love my husband but he can’t break away from the bitch . She is getting nothing out of it apart from having sex I’m working through it in the hope one day it stops .The worst part is when he fucks her in our home that’s just down right disgusting but I don’t want to give up work but might have to to stop the bitch entering my home
o my gosh, your husband is out of line, bringing the bitch home
Mrs.Semple, you are more than deserving of a spouse whose is faithful and compassionate to you. Find strength to move on…..and out. Or serve him legal seperation to move him out. Love yourself enough to not tolerate his behavior. Repect yourself enough to not allow a whore your rightful place. Be well beautiful divine woman. Be strong
thank you very much for sharing this, i found comfort reading it because i realize i am not alone. sorry i put my rants here. i really need to spit it out, i have nobody to share because i am too ashamed of it. my D-day was 5 weeks ago (12th April 2016). He cheated on me with his secretary. We are on a long distance marriage because of work, so his work location is 10,000 miles away. He works 3 months and come home to stay for 1 month. Yes, he spent more time at work than at home. We have been married for 14 years with 1 kid that we got after struggling through so many infertility treatments. I got fat (gained 40 lbs) after baby and haven’t been back to my pre-baby weight for 5 years. He has been complaining about my weight ever since but i don’t know why i am just so bored that i run into food. We still had sex until about 6 months ago, when he really refused completely everytime i initiated the sex. He said lose interest in me because i am fat and did not seems to try to lose weight even after he complained. He said the affair was just sex, he is under big stress and need a relief, he also feels distant from me and unable to force himself to have sex with me. He said i should also take part of the blame, and it makes me even sad that he said that. The affair started 6 months ago, what was started as fun night after office hour, end up into bed. 5 months ago, i actually suspected the affair when my husband bought her secretary an expensive mobile phone for Christmas present, when i asked him he denied and i have no proof. So i let go. But 5 weeks ago, when he is finally home again, he forgot to clear his chat history and i found out his exchanging message “i miss you” and “delete this chat”. I confronted him in front of my kid, because i just cannot hold it any longer. I asked him if he loves her but he avoid answering and just say “it’s not that i am going to marry her or something”. within the 5 weeks period, i managed to dig information out of him and he blurted out one day that he wouldnt fuck someone who he does not like, so yes he has feeling for his AP. He also said the affair was over because the project in that said country is done in 1 month time and both him and his AP agreed to end the affair soon as he left the country where he currently works. But for me that can only means, if i did not find out about the affair, he is still planning to continue his relationship for another 1 month. And who knows if it continues even more long distance. Along the 5 weeks, he did say sorry and he did say did not mean to hurt me and he also said, if only i did not check his phone, i would never know and he would have handled the affair smoothly, ending it with noone hurts. WTF. The comment made me super angry.
I confronted his AP via so many social media. FB message, whatsapp, text message, email. I told her to stay away and to think about her action, telling her to find a new boyfriend. She replied saying my husband loves her and he hates me for being fat and ugly, and the only reason he lives with me still is just because my kid. I asked my husband if he really said it and he admit saying he loves his AP, also admit telling his AP that he does not like the way i look now, but he said he will never leave me, because even though he has feeling for his AP, deep down he loves me too. I sent another message to his AP telling she is a slut and only looking for money.
I decided to make peace with him just for my kid, even though i don’t think i am myself already at peace. few days ago, just before he went back to work, his AP told him she is pregnant via email. i am even more crushed hearing it. i am putting on my stalker hat into action, and i hacked my husband’s email. i sent his AP an email pretending i am my husband. and actually i have this excitement doing it, i forgot crying for few days. my strategy was if i can proof to my husband how terrible this girl is (she is from a poor country and i know for sure she is a gold digger), he will finally use his logic instead of his dick as his main judgment. I wrote to this AP of my husband, pretending i am him, saying “i might say i love you, but in reality i don’t know what love is. i am just confused. i did not stop it because i was having fun with you, but now it really has to stop. i want you to return the phone and i fired you from today. also i want you to know, the reason i had sex with you is because it’s free and you are much safer than a whore with possible STD. goodbye”. His AP replied angrily saying she won’t return the 1000 USD phone, and because my husband made her angry, she left taking 15,000 USD from the petty cash of his office. She said she can handle the baby herself, the money is only to help her raise the baby and she does not want my husband’s money. She also stole a lot of stuff from the office (TV, car) which everything is under my husband’s responsibility. She threatened my husband to tell his boss about their relationship if he try to take the everything back from her, which of course my husband is afraid of being sued about sexual harassment, he decided to let it go. My husband was so angry (i was struggling to hold my laugh pretending not to know why suddenly she sent that angry email….of course i managed to delete the original email, so the part that i wrote previously won’t show, and i sent it to him again from his AP email that i also hacked). He called his AP a thief and promised me to cut contact. Now the problem is only about the baby, i just wish they (his AP and the baby) will not come back haunting us in the future. But i am prepared for it anyway, if the day ever comes, we will support the kid, but not the mother. I just wish both of them die in hell, i am sorry for my words, maybe i shouldn’t be that harsh.
Anyway, thank you for making this blog and let me put a super long comment, much longer than your post itself.
My husband had a child with his AP as well. That’s how I found out, from a child support letter in the mail…..regarding a 9 month old child. The AP was angry my husband ended it and hence Child Support. Fast forward 1 year and 3 months. My husband and I are trying, he more so than I, I solely for our children. However, the AP tries at every corner to cause problems, she has insulted me, sent police to our home twice, uses the child any way she can to get attention from my husband and/or me. The child visits my home, and my small children love her, my husband has attached to the child as well. But the former AP has caused so many issues I now see the child through negative lenses. Logically I know it’s wrong, but now I wish I never allowed the thw child into my family and home. Her mother is trash, six children 3 fathers, no job, lives in a 2 bed apartment and wants $$$$ from my husband. Thank God I dont have to pay for the child. The slut uses the money to pay rent….for ALL her kids, although my hysband has 1 with her.
Thank you for your blog. I found out about my husbands infidelities August 8, 2016 at 9:48 am. He left his tablet home from work one day and because I had a growing suspicion I checked his online history. I have stage 3 cervical cancer and he was my rock. I truly believed that with his love I could fight this. Today I’ve given up. I walked out of a scheduled surgery for a full hysterectomy and to also remove tumors near my bladder. i feel so lost. So hurt. So betrayed that I no longer care about my own health. I’m still with him and like you I don’t know if I want to leave. Due to health reasons I have become completely financially dependant on him. I have a small income from royalties but not nearly enough to live on. I love him and I hate him. It’s a confusing state to be in.
Your blog has helped. I binge read from D-Day til September and you so eloquently write what I feel. It also gives me hope when I thought all hope was lost.
My D-Day was Dec 7, 2015. Funny how we remember our D-Day 😦 not really funny is it. I will be writing my memoirs in an upcoming book but after reading these posts I felt compelled to share my own story. I will try to be brief. We are a blended family his, mine and ours. I met him at 46; I was married (husband passed away), never could find one like him again until I met my H. I had 3 children, he had 2 and when we became a family we decided we didn’t have enough so one more. (I know, what were we thinking at my age then of 48)! but she’s healthy and keeping us young. ages range from 13 to 32. 3 boys 3 girls. Together for 15 years. So H was working away, home every week but gone for 2 or 3 days. He met a married woman who he had to finish her condo and they became first friends. He even told me about it, (men always talk about their love interest, keep ears open) that he would show her our pics on Facebook and why not add her as a friend? I didn’t like it but I didn’t say anything because it was a way of me to keep tabs on him. I trusted him totally and never thought anything would happen but just in case….he’s a man, right? So sure enough 2 months later I decide to check his Facebook account (I had all his passwords) and he “liked” a lot of pics or comments she would make and here’s the clincher …he never ever “liked” any of mine or the kids. (I have to admit he was new to fb in Aug. 2015). I then went to check his phone and wrote her name and a “good morning” came up. I asked him what this was and he said “we’re just friends” he was in the shower. He then admitted he took her out for dinner a couple of times and kissed her twice. I believed him because that’s what I do. I believe everyone Trying to stop that btw. Anyway, he went to work and 20 minutes after he left I kicked him out by text and refused to talk to him by phone only communicated by text only (so I could think about what I would say and answer when I wanted to). The fact that he even took another woman out for dinner and didn’t tell me about it, kept it a secret was enough betrayal for me. He was out! So I don’t work, we have/had money problems but I’ve been there before….single poor parent. For now I had to think what to do. He begged and begged to come back and promised to go see counselling (because all he does is want to please people) He enjoys everyone. He’s such a nice guy can’t say no. He said to me to give him another chance and he would make sure that for the next 30 years I would be the happiest woman. It was nearing Xmas and kids wanted him back, my step children call me M.O.M. for (My Other Mom) so they weren’t happy with him, none of the kids were. That’s one thing I regret is when my H told our kids. It should have been between us. This is getting long. I told him we could meet only AFTER he secured a place to live. He did that same day and asked to meet. A few weeks later we met and I had a list of demands that had to be met as well as a list of questions that I thought of and wanted answered. By the time xmas came he was back home and took me on his business trips, stayed home and sent his guys out instead. Ok, so making this short, he had always maintained there was no sex until 2 months later when I felt there was a piece missing, if he kissed her only twice why didn’t he kiss her a third time as there were 3 restaurant receipts and I guess he felt he needed to come clean and spilled it all; yes there was sex etc (but she had surgery below where she could not have sex because it was painful and did not have sex for 9 years); He said he wanted to make her feel like a woman again, be the hero (I told him he ended up being the hero to her but the monster to his family) he told me she was in her condo and they were colour matching and she turned to him and said “I have the biggest crush on you” he said he felt awkward and flattered at the same time. And to cut a lot out; I got smart technically (you’d laugh if you’d know me), did you know you can retrieve deleted texts/e-mails, pics?, there’s sharing location, there’s private investigators, there’s so much out there to help you determine the truth and I blew his mind away when I confronted him with deleted messages. Unfortunately you can’t retrieve more than 3 months (for me anyway) but I didn’t tell HIM that. I just borrowed his phone to retrieve messages and faced him angrily with a “you told your secretary what happened?” It was very satisfying to see his astonished face. He said “Just that I’m in the dog house”. So not to let the kids know what’s going on still and put them through that again I had him sleeping in the spare bedroom. And slowly we built our life back, dating each other but I told him I do not love him like I used to. To this day he still opens my door, comes home early, wants date nights, is extremely attentive. I had told him, if he wants an affair to have it with his wife. I did write to the “other woman” on fb. To be honest, I felt bad for her because she fell in love with him. He hurt both of us. Was it her fault my husband cheated on me? Absolutely not. He should have told her “I’m flattered but happily married”. I think I’ll always be suspicious. But it wasn’t her fault. Did I want to tell her husband? Absolutely not. She doesn’t strike me as being a happy woman. Why would I want to change that? Naughty me indeed. The trouble now I face is wanting to have handled it differently. Going in the past. I think about it every day. The “I should have….” I know it’s too late ….. our marriage counsellor says to move on to being happy. He certainly is enjoying trying to make me happy; I can ask for anything my little heart desires. Life isn’t so bad. Oh and we had our marriage contract changed in my favour. I get everything in the event history repeats itself. My advice? Take one day at a time.
SW: I need to edit my post but I cannot find a prompt to do so. If I cannot I must ask that it be deleted immediately. You have my e-mail address so please contact me as you don’t have anywhere on your site to contact you privately but through this posting to everyone. This is an urgent request as everyday my post is up the way it is it could be damaging to my family and I think my family has been damaged enough. I cannot sleep until this is resolved. Please help.
Hi brokenheart, if you look on my About page, you will see my email address clearly stated. I will find your post and delete it. SW