Two months ago, I discovered my husband was having an affair.
That was the day my life as I knew it shattered into millions of little pieces, never to be the same.
I am 42. I met my husband when I was 20. We have been together for more than half my life.
He was my everything.
Now, he is a lot of other things. A cheater. A bastard. A coward. A liar. A betrayer. A sneak. Someone I no longer recognise.
He will never be my everything again.
Because once someone who professes to love you has an affair, life comes to a screeching halt. They no longer deserve that exclusive place in your heart.
The hurt is unlike any other. It penetrates your soul and consumes you like a parasite, sucking any joy and light out as it goes.
You cannot breathe. You cannot eat. Your mind races with hundreds of questions. You cannot concentrate. You cannot think about anything else.
That night, my husband had put one of our three children to bed and ended up crashing out on his bed.
I was in bed when I woke to feed our youngest, our 5-month old baby. When I finished, I put the baby back in his bed and went downstairs to see where my husband had ended up.
On my way, I walked via my computer and noticed he had plugged his phone into the charger next to it. For some reason, his phone wasn’t locked. His phone is ALWAYS locked. There go the warning sirens right there, no?
I looked at his phone and noticed a curious app symbol at the top of the screen. Curiosity got the better of me and I tapped the icon.
And then I almost collapsed.
Because what I saw on the screen next would change my life forever.
It was a conversation between him and his ‘affair partner’ or ‘AP’.
I saw goodnights at the bottom of the conversation so I scrolled back up the screen.
“I want to put my lips in your pussy.”
Huh? What was he saying? I thought I was going to pass out.
“I can’t talk anymore. My phone battery is dying and my wife is getting suspicious.”
Oh God. Did he really just say those words to another woman? A stranger?! Who the fuck was she?
Like a car crash, I couldn’t look away. I read. And I read.
And then I stormed into my son’s bedroom where he lay to have it out with him.